"Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision."
You choose to love when you stay in a relationship even when you're hurt by the other person in ways that you did not see coming.
Emotional love is that feeling in your stomach when you enter the room and the object of your affections is sitting there. Emotional love is looking into her eyes and forgetting just what you were coming into the room for; emotional love is thinking about her all day long and not being disappointed when you get home. Emotional love is trembling at her touch, losing yourself in the slightest kiss, being in bliss holding hands. Emotional love is all "high", it cannot handle disappointment, disillusionment or anything that gets in the way of the feeling. In short, it cannot handle a real person.
Decisional love - also referred to as mature love - is the conscious choice to remain with someone even when they no longer supply the emotional love component. So some that is quick - a year or two. For others, it can be twenty years; for a few, it never ends.
Mature love is also a serving love. You do for her (or him as it may be) regardless of what you get out of it. It is a love that gets people through cancer, heartbreak and pain. It is a love that survives bankrupty, old age, pot-bellies and baldness. It looks past droopy parts, failed dreams and youthful expectations. Mature love does not need the emotional feelings, but it certainly welcomes them. These are not two disparate ideas. We don't all get emotional love for our whole lives. People change, situations change - life happens.
Mature love is a decision. We're all adults and any one of us could just call it quits the next time our spouse does something we dislike. The pain that we would leave behind, however, is not something we're willing to be the cause of for our own silly feelings.
Mature love is balancing the needs of others and finding ourselves much lower on the list than we thought we'd be able to do. It is a gift from God.
Emotional love hits you over the head with a pile of bricks; you can't ignore it. Mature love sneaks up on you when you're not looking for it. You don't see it coming and only look back after a while and smile at your discovery.
I had that love. He walked out .. I may forgive him because of the illness if that is really what happened . But I can never allow that pain to return I can never forget the lies , the trust is gone .
I have been pondering what real love is as my daughters are growing into adults and the closer relationships with young men begin .
I have raised them to have these
Friendships , dating is a time of getting to know the other and discerning if this is truly the person one wishes to marry .
Dating is not about 'hooking up for one night stands ' dating is a true commitment . Some call it courting . Some cringe at the word . But really if it's supervised in the early stages with the understanding of self control and also setting physical boundaries .
I love my children more than my life and I want them to have real , true love . I want them to know it does exist and the man doesn't always walk out or treat them like crap . Marriage is for life .
And if any of them choose the consecrated life or my boys the priesthood that's ok too .
