Bullies, stereotypes and my son's hair

I know I have not posted lately. I have much to share and need to catch up. But jumping right in I want to share something that happened this week. 

I posted this on my Fb wall Monday; 

 "I am so sad . I made a appt for Sebastian  tuesday morning to get his hair cut. Between rude people , and even his siblings , calling him a girl for having long hair , he wanted it cut off like Ethan's.

 I don't want to hear it's his Choice etc , no not really when others are mean and hurtful . He has never had issues with it or complained . Monday at the park one of the boys he has played with kept calling him a girl and even got into a fight ! I was not there , his sister was . Apparently it was bad , this boy was choking him and even kicked him in the privates .  . I'm so over uncompassionate people . And little bullies . "

And I shared this with these photos on my Instagram;

"It hurts to write /share this and it will be long . My Sebastián has been made fun of a lot lately , people calling him a girl because he had long hair . I told him many times and showed photos of men and boys with long hair . Even Jesus had long hair . The final straw I think was Monday a boy in our neighborhood kept calling him a girl and even got in a physical fight . A boy his age . Bullies start young and are of all types . I know many think I'm silly for being so upset about this and it goes beyond hair , yes hair grows . He is still the same beautiful blue eyed long lashed spunky boy . Choose your words with caution when you meet others . Don't make assumptions based on appearances ."

A few days have passed and the pain still lingers. I wish it did not. I feel if he were older the decision would be different. I regret in a way allowing him to make such a decision. He seems annoyed at times with the short hair in he back of his head, maybe a sensory issue. 

What really hurts are the reactions of others to his hair cut ' oh you finally have a big boy hair cut"

"oh you look so handsome now" "he looks so different' etc etc.. 

He has feelings! Like all of these comments do not affect him. I am trying very hard not to show much emotion about it. I tell him how much I love him. I help him COUNTLESS times a day with styling his new 'do' with gel , mousse , or water. WATER oh my he has taken several showers to 'fix' his hair. 

 Few of my friends have even said a word on fb or otherwise . Because I guess many feeling opposite of me that boys should have short hair (like theirs ) It hurts. a LOT. Even when I walked in the door my daughter said  "omg mom you cut it all off" It was a very upsetting day and it got worse .

I balled my eyes out when the girl cut his hair. I felt bad Sebastian questioned why, and still will say "mommy dont cry again or mommy are you gonna cry again" 

I still have his hair in my purse. I am afraid to take it out because I WILL cry. 

I have so many things I want to say . But it doesnt seem to matter. In a world where  children's feelings do not matter. 

I will say this again, choose your words with caution when you see or meet others. Do not make assumptions based on appearances. 

Here is my boy the morning before his hair was cut. 

Here we are at the hair salon (let me add we spent another 30 minutes looking at pics of 'boys' cuts before he sort of chose, saying "i want it short like ethan"




Here is a video of the hair cut :(



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYEub-CY0ag

Part 2:
https://www.youtube.com/edit?o=U&video_id=Nte2SkOOGT4






I cry now typing this moment.












We went to adoration that afternoon, and I took this .



My sweet innocent blue eyed boy.

A good thing gone bad

So the other day I get a Reverse Osmosis water filter . Ethan starts to install it and cuts the water sprayer line . Well we find out you can not just do that . 

So after 4 trips to Home Depot he is like I will just use my money to replace the faucet . 

The faucet screws were rusted . Bad . 

Here is where he cut the water line .

See that white screw thing ? It would not turn 

So back to Home Depot to get a special tool to,remove it . It took a long time . 

Plies under the cabinet was little  room at all . 

That's Ethan under there .

As you can see it was rusted and corroded . Idk how plumbers fit in those places!!

But after two days of trying we did it ! We installed a faucet and a RO water system . Now,if my dishwasher would work right :( 

Ansely's Graduation Speech, Class of 2015

Ansely graduated in June . This is her graduation speech. IT was beautiful. Hope you can hear it. Congratulations Ansely and the Class of 2015

My speech to my daughter at her graduation

Ansely officially graduated High School in June. This is a video from the Recognition day . While I do not have issues with public speaking,this was so difficult and yes I cried. It is hard to hear as a friend was using my  phone . 

Congratulations Ansely ! Class of 2015 

Tatiana Belle May, her Birth Story, May 20, 2000

I woke up on friday May 19, 2000 with some cramping. I was bleeding slightly, we took some photos of my pregnant belly. Debbie came over that afternoon in case it was the. Not much changed I had a few cramps during the day. I was about 4 cm. I felt Debbie should go home because i felt tense with her there waiting. The carmping stopped around 11pm.We went to bed.

I awoke around 4 am on May 20 to a "real" contraction, I knew this was the day. Because it was different feeling. I didnt wake your daddy. I spent some time in the bathroom. I was naturally cleaning out my body you could say. The contractions were about 3-5 min apart. Daddy got up and thought I should call Debbie. I did it was around 8:30 am.

Debbie heard me on the phone thru an contraction and she thought she should go ahead and come over (she was about and hour and half away )Debbie and Holly (her birth assistant) arrived around 11 am (she later told me the time , at that time I didnt not know). She set up her birth supplies while I continued to 'labor' alone. I was groaning on the toilet. I got back into the bed, feeling unsure of myself. I asked her if she should check me? She proceeded to check me and found I was complete. I didnt feel an urge to push yet. Everything seemed to have stopped. Then I got another contraction and was bearing down a bit. Then at 11:15 my water broke on its on. It was clear. I then got a strong desire to squat. Ryan and Debbie helped me into a squat in the bed. After what felt like a long time I felt the baby "dive" down under my pubic bone. She was coming fast. Debbie urged me to lie back on the bed so you would sh ewould not come to fast .

So I was back in a semi sit position. Debbie guided the baby's head out. Then I got to gently pull you out while holding your shoulders, what an incredible feeling to feel your tiny body slide out into my hands, I pulled you directly onto my stomach. I was surprised you were a beautiful pink girl. You were a beautiful newborn. No vernix and you pinked up quickly. You were born at 11:30 am, you were perfect. The cord was a little short so you could'nt reach my breast. The cord stopped pulsating after about only 10 minutes. Daddy and Dehvin cut your cord.
You nursed a little for the first time at 12:01 pm. you were not an aggressive nurser, we slept most of the the rest of the day. What an awesome day...
Tatiana weighed 7lbs 12oz and was 22 1/4 inch
***this is the birth story word for word from my "Born at Home " baby book

This was me the night before she was born....

.

My Mom taxi , just stopped

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I wish it were a thousand dollars . Or more . Yea wishful think I know . Feel free to skip this post I'm going to not be cheerful. Honestly I'm fed up . 

My van , well it's really not mine it is in Ryan's name . And I already worry and wonder every day will it be taken . Why? Because I have no idea if he pays the loan he tells me nothing . I live in fear every single,day that because my kids leave the garage open I will walk out and it will be gone . I wish I had my own van I knew was paid for . 

Well now it will likely be parked for a while . It literally stopped while I was driving my daughter to soccer Monday . At least my current doula client has delivered . 

As if our lives have not been bad enough as it is.  And while I know there are many others out there worse off than us it doesn't make me feel better . It sure doesn't make my kids feel better . They are the reason this all hurts . 

Even if I knew what is wrong with it I can not fix it . I can't even make it month to month waiting now for VA money to go in . I ration food , lock pantry and fridge . It sucks . Every day . Sucks .

Kids fighting over who got more oatmeal.  Yet I eat one meal a day if possible . 

I called their dad for help to get the van fixed and yea that was stupid just made me more hurt and more angry . 

I'm just living day to day that's all I can do. Yet looking ahead my baby's birthday is next week and another child's

Birthday is also I may followed by my second oldest to graduate high school . And the family doesn't care and very few friends care . I feel like I have so many enemies now wishing bad on me . Thad a whole other blog post . Pray for me . Pray for my children 

In Loving memory of My babies

I sit here  remembering that tonight, April 20, 2004 I was in the early phase of what I thought was a miscarriage. I was about 11 weeks from conception. I knew from charting. I had seen a local pro life GYN and had a confirmed uterine pregnancy.I had went to see her because I had a lot of off and bleeding and finally had a Positive pregnancy test. She confirmed it was a uterine pregnancy.

The night of April 20 into the 21st is a blur to me.I remember nursing ethan to sleep and all his toddler antics and how I felt him lightly kick my right side near my hip. I remember feeling something odd, like a pop.  I remember bleeding and telling Ryan to keep an eye on me that I think I am losing our baby.I remember my right shoulder tip hurting . I remember getting up and down and going the toilet Because of the intense pain. I remember cold water falling on me, I remember being in the bedroom floor and ryan trying to get me up.I had passed out in the bedroom floor and apparently my glass of water fell on me.  

The next morning still feeling a mess and not feeling right.I thought I had miscarried. I went in to see my holistic dr . She  thought I was having a gall bladder attack. She had told me to go to Northside Hospital which was over an hour or more away because we were in N ga.

I wanted to go home first and feed the children. But my husband  insisted we go now. So he drove me to the hospital.

I walked into the ER, telling them I thought I was having a gall bladder attack but had miscarried also. I was checked and recall them saying something about a rupture. They had offered me morphine but I refused and said I would keep doing my breathing. An ultrasound revealed that I had an ectopic rupture. I was bleeding out into my abdominal area which was why I was feeling the intense pain under my diaphram. I did not know at the time how serious it was. Later I was told I almost died. All I remember is I nursed Ethan and they wanted me in surgery but I was crying I could not leave him cause he needed to nurse to sleep...The last sound I remembered was hearing Ethan crying for me as I was being rushed away to surgery. 

I am thankful that Ryan listened to that voice which I know was God that told him to get me to the hospital. The dr said if we had waited I would have died...

I never named my babies and this is something I am praying about...I also have 3 other babies in heaven I lost thru miscarriage, One was in October 1993, One was in July 1994, and another in March 1999. My husband and his family were not very supportive of my losses so I kept it all tucked inside. It has been 11 years since my last loss. And time does heal. But I have never forgotten and wonder what they would be like. But I also ponder that I may not have the children I have now. 

 I think once I became Catholic and gained more knowledge of NFP I realized I should indeed be following my heart and talking and sharing about my babies. The comfort I do feel is I have succeeded with at least 5 of my children in getting them to heaven. And I can ask my little Saints to pray for me and their siblings here. Lord knows I need all the prayers I can get. 

I have the laproscopic  photos still and can see my little baby in the ruptured tube...a few weeks later I saw the dr whom said I had a uterine pregnancy she said I must have had a twin pregnancy and miscarried one and suffered the rupture . I pulled them out of my shadow box to share . IT may look like nothing to some but I can see my baby .

 Morning Light Ministries sent me all these beautiful items to honor our baby. I highly encourage anyone who has suffered any loss to check them out. It is good for all beliefs, Catholic or otherwise. We just celebrated Divine Mercy Sunday and as I looked at the medal that were sent to me in honor of my babies I realized it was a Divine Mercy Medal. The back reads "I Trust In You" SO SO profound looking back.

This year, 2015 marks 11 years since THIS loss. Last year I was by a friend's side as her baby girl Paisley was born at 19 weeks, without her heart beating. Her blog is here http://angelsremembered.blogspot.com/?m=1   please go read her story. She has 5 children in heaven .
 Her story was also just blogged on another popular blog here http://allamericanmom.net/lets-show-love-to-all-moms-this-mothers-dayeven-the-ones-who-have-miscarried-their-babies-honorallmoms/
a MUST read. A photo I took of Paisley's  tiny hand  with her mommy and daddy's finger is shown.  This mother is working on pushing a campaign for Mother's Day ,  #HonorAllMoms #Mother’s Day . 

My photography has been published

I have not shared with anyone but a few months ago I was asked by The Sisters of Life up in New York to take photos of two people here in St Augustine that were in the Cenacolo Community . A man named Ryan and a young lady named Erin . They were doing a article about them . And how the community has helped them.

Thanks to a dear catholic friend of mine she got me in touch with the Sisters of Life. I wnet out to the men's and women's residence to photograph them. and too photos of the things they did but that was not published . They just used the head shots . I am so honored to have my work published in a catholic magazine!

Here is the link to the Cenacolo Community http://www.comunitacenacolo.org/

Here is a link to The Sisters of Life http://www.sistersoflife.org/

So much in one day

Today heaven received two babies from the same family. My dear friend Liz txt me early this am that her sister Regina had a abruption at 34 weeks they did an emergency c section but baby Jeremiah Joseph died. AND her other sister Christina on the way to hospital in labor at 38 weeks delivered on the side of the road, Gabriella was born still. I have no words.

Alot of anger. as do several. WHY WHY WHY GOD?! They are the strongest family I have known. Please go read these blogs one is by Liz and one is about their Brother,Father Joseph. you will be inspired. PLEASE PRAY FOR THEM.

Edited this am : Liz was txting with me and we were talking about Job and she said look at Lot's wife...
"She looked backed- and turned to salt. Looking back makes you bitter like salt"




Liz Blog:
http://peony78.blogspot.com/2015/03/my-heart-is-reeling-in-shock-and-pain.html


Blog about Father Joseph Please read this too :

http://aymcym.blogspot.com/


I am editing to share TWO links to donate to each family for funeral expenses.

For Regina :

https://www.tilt.com/campaigns/regina-peek-jose-vivanco-fund/description


For Christina:

https://www.tilt.com/campaigns/christinapeek-and-mike-garciacarreras-fund?invite=CNVBF2CFFACC99E11E4AB70E1A1504AF5B6&utm_source=email&utm_medium=invite_tilted&utm_term=inviteflow&utm_content=copy&utm_campaign=notification




Please continued prayers for this amazing devout Catholic Family.


~
Lisa

Two Casts in one day

Yes today ️Felicity went in to get her cast for her fractured wrist . She chose hot pink

After two hours there i went home and decided to take kids to the pool . It was 80 degrees and beautiful . I told ️Felicity she could come sit in a chair and read . 

Well that didn't last . She decidied to walk around the pool and was pulling her brother's raft around . 

I didn't think about it because Shen does this a lot . 

Well she fell completely in the pool . 

This is here after drying off . It was water logged . After I took her sister to work . I took her back in for yet another cast . 

In hot pink . Let's see how long it lasts . 

Felicity is 9

I can not believe today my 5th born child is 9 years old. Felicity Agnes was born at home on this day. I woke up at 3 am feeling 'crampy' and knew this must be the time. I did not wake anyone but got up and walked around. I decided to call my midwife, Sharon, at Fruitful Vine . She had been at birth all night and said she would head my way because my labors were fast.

My midwife arrived around 6:30 am. She told me I was "complete" but left me alone because oddly for me I had not urge to push. I hung out in the tub, then walked and walked the neighborhood. 

My other children were all up puking it was so sad to hear them. The sweet birth assistant Tanya was taking care of their needs. 

This went on for almost 4 hrs I recall. Then Sharon had me lay on my left side and pull my right leg up ....well that got her in position. I began to feel the urge to push. She was born quickly "facial presentation to the left"She was born at 10:42 am and  was 9 pounds 8 oz and 22 1/2 inches long. 

Her first year was rough, she was very high needs and colicy. I learned when she was a year she had Sensory Processing Disorder.  Anyone with a SPD child knows what I mean I have two actually.

She has always been homeschooled. She is now very active in academy soccer (her thing)  locally and just started violin lessons . However this week she fractured her wrist so that is all on hold.

 Follow this link for a slide show on my photography page:

http://lisaolschewskephotography.com/blog/2015/3/nine-years-of-felicity

Nurturing through injuries

Today was one of those mothering moments that I hate to have said "I told you this would happen"

 

The moment you hear your child screaming in  that voice that you know what it means " mommy I broke my arm"

See yesterday I warned this same child over 7 times not to use the skateboard with a dog . Maybe I wasn't clear,  she was letting Java our newest adopted dog that is a mere 38 pound lab Sheperd  mix , pull her while on the skateboard . 

This morning as usual they were up early before 7am , it was a gorgeous few days ️highs in the low 80's. 

I was still laying in bed checking emails on my iPad . I had already been up doing laundry .

When she came running inside screaming in that voice only a mother of many injuries would know . This child is tough she has SPD as a little . Still does .is often difficult to know if it's drama or real . 

But as usual my mommy instinct knew . And upon a quick peek I knew it . A broken wrist . 

She had been on the skateboard again first thing this morninng , but this time with Buddy our 115 pound blonde lab . 

She crashed in the street . Road rash up her left side, elbow , hip and butt . 

She was hyperventilating . I put on the doula in me hat and told her " look at me and slow your breath ,

Breath with me"

I've gotten better and better dealing with my kids injuries . I used to blame myself when they were little and got hurt . But after many kids I've realized they are kids . No matter what I say or do these little beings that were all once very high need babies turn into fierce independent youngsters . 

Today was hard . Taking her to the very busy orthopedic office spending two hours there . When i just wanted to be outside at the beach before it cools down again . 

It was a teaching moment and one I seriously hope and pray she learns from . That while I'm not or overbearing or strict when I tell them not to do this or that it isbecause  I love them and don't want them to get hurt . I believe in natural consequences for actions . I don't believe in punishing or spanking. 

While I'm sure some out there would be like she deserves a spanking . No the consequences of her free will poor choice today has caused her to be out of soccer and possibly the violin lessons she began this week, which was a birthday gift . 

The poor girl turns 9 on Saturday . And will miss her first spring soccer games .

So what does this mommy do after the orthopedic ? 

I took her to our favorite coffee shop for a hot chocolate with coconut milk and much needed coffee for me . Seems logical since we hadn't even eaten breakfast .

Live  learn and love ❤️

Violin lessons

️Felicity has been begging for a while to get a violin . I could never afford one and was not comfortable  getting her one . We have had guitars , keyboards etc not be well care for. Her little brother loves music but has been rough on instruments .

I decided this week since she was still interested to give it a try . I feel so terrible I have not been able to give my kids the little things in life . 

 We found a lovely violin teacher that also unschooled her own! We started lessons this week and we are renting a violin from her . 

This is her at her very first lesson 

My friend's Blog about her Angel babies

Please go read my dear friend Kelly's blog about the many babies she has in heaven http://angelsremembered.blogspot.com/2015/02/where-to-start_15.html

 She is such a sweet momma and her and Michael's love for all their babies is beautiful and precious.

I was with them when Paisley was born. I am also a bereavement doula and I took photos of their precious hours together with her. A time I will NEVER forget. I also have 4 souls in heaven and posted here http://mommylisadoula.blogspot.com/2012/04/in-loving-memory-of-my-babies.html

Every life is precious from conception to natural death.......

Stations of the Cross

Tonight we went to the weekly Lent Stations of the Cross . Ethan is in the red plaid . And ️Felicity has taken to reading amazingly ! I always cry during the stations thinking of how Mary must have felt seeing her son . Our cathedral is still being renovated so we were at St benedicts the moor. It reminds me of the smallness of the baptist church I grew up in. It is a beautiful parish.

Rest in Peace Debbie Moortgat

I am so deeply said and in shock to have learned my friend and accupuncturist has passed away suddenly . This past year I had been going to see her at first for severe tendinitis and then she helped me with Premeno issues . She was a friend , healer and ' therapist' . As I laid on her table I remember her always encouraging me to relax that this was MY time and I deserved it . She always told me how amazing she thought I was being a single mom to 6 . I can not begin to share how much she meant to me and how much she helped me . I have always been terrified of needles and never imagined I would ever see an accupuncturist . But a fellow catholic told me  about her and how special she was . Plus she was right by my house ( I walk by her office everyday on the way to the beach) her office was t new age and I fact she was Christian and her husband was Catholic .

I had not been able to get in to see her in a few months due to just being broke . She was so sweet and understanding and money wasn't a issue , she often held a check for me so I could be seen and many times just saw me . She always told me call When I needed too . 

I called her cell phone Thursday to see if she could see my daughter because she had a horrible migraine, she was always so generous with her time . But this time someone else answered her cell which surprised me . The lady sadly informed me " are you patients of Debbie's I'm sorry to have to tell you this but she passed away two weeks ago" 

I asked a few questions , and learned she had been diagnosed with stomach cancer just 6 weeks prior. 

I still can't wrap my head around the fact she is gone. So many dear friends I know have lost loved ones the past month . It's just all so heartbreaking .

Debbie may you rest in eternal peace with our Lord . Pray for me sweet lady . I will always remember and Honor you and make sure to take time for me to recharge so I am able to be there for my children , others and give like you preached at me about . I can see your kind face and hear your calming voice .

Here is her obituary.  http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/staugustine/obituary.aspx?pid=174046976

Giving up

Well looks like I am

Giving up more than facebook for lent . I made a decision to leave facebook for lent and possiblly longer . Not something I chose lightly . Sure many, including my kids think it's stupid . It was just a simply a timing thing . I have been dealing with so much in my life I just needed a break . But having a doula and photography business I need or thought I needed facebook to get more clients . So I am trying to trust that God will let clients find me through word of mouth and my website. Because due to lies and gossip and backstabbing in the business world I feel it has affected me negatively. 

 I am praying thru lent that those that continue to spread lies about me will see they are wrong. I am praying God will prevail . Because lies and gossip and false accusations affect my entire family and my ability to provide for them . 

In the meantime I have to deal with this a computer that mysteriously looks like this . I closed the computer before I went for a run in the cold this afternoon and one of my daughters opened it to this . 

See everything I do is on this one computer . I school my kids from it, my photography and doula business is run from it. Yea I admit I pretty much lost my shit when I saw it. Pray for me and pray for my kids. 

Lenten thoughts 2015

 Some signs of Lent in my house . 

 In conversation with God is one of my favorites .

Sebastián's face as he looked at himself in my phone aka mirror 

Me and half of My children , the others are going to noon liturgy 

       

Marked for Salvation (from Magnificat )

  

 

At the beginning of Dante's Purgatorio, the Pilgrim discovers seven Ps scratched across his brow─one for each of the seven deadly sins (peccati). Through his laborious climb up the seven-storied mountain, one by one, the P's are wiped away. It is the image of a soul saved, but still struggling free of sin's sevenfold lack of love. 

     Lent charts us on a laborious course up a similar Mount Purgatory. And at the base today we too find our faces begrimed. Our ashes make public confession that we stand stained by our wicked deeds. We have earned the dusty death wage of sin. Yet, like the guilty Cain, who received a mysterious mark from the hand of the Lord, this sign we wear is also God's seal of protection (cf. Gn 4:15). We are branded today with the sign of the cross, as sheep of the Lord's own pasture, so that the devil (who would make on us his own mark of the beast) will know to keep his thieving hands off. The sign of the death due for our sins thus becomes the emblem of hope─if we believe in the cross and repent in dust and ashes. Ezekiel foresaw this mystery in vision when he saw the saved, who grieve over the sins of Jerusalem, having an X written upon their brow (Ez 9:4).

 

Reflection based on Matthew 6:1-6, 16-18

  Father Anthony Giambrone, O.P.

  

Heavenly Father, may the indelible mark of the cross sealed

upon me at Baptism be engraved more deeply upon my heart.

May my penance this Lent help put 

Today's suggested penance: 

Spend fifteen minutes or more praying the holy name of Jesus.

  

 

May God fill your Lent with his presence 

and lead you to a renewed experience of his love.