They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I wish it were a thousand dollars . Or more . Yea wishful think I know . Feel free to skip this post I'm going to not be cheerful. Honestly I'm fed up .
My van , well it's really not mine it is in Ryan's name . And I already worry and wonder every day will it be taken . Why? Because I have no idea if he pays the loan he tells me nothing . I live in fear every single,day that because my kids leave the garage open I will walk out and it will be gone . I wish I had my own van I knew was paid for .
Well now it will likely be parked for a while . It literally stopped while I was driving my daughter to soccer Monday . At least my current doula client has delivered .
As if our lives have not been bad enough as it is. And while I know there are many others out there worse off than us it doesn't make me feel better . It sure doesn't make my kids feel better . They are the reason this all hurts .
Even if I knew what is wrong with it I can not fix it . I can't even make it month to month waiting now for VA money to go in . I ration food , lock pantry and fridge . It sucks . Every day . Sucks .
Kids fighting over who got more oatmeal. Yet I eat one meal a day if possible .
I called their dad for help to get the van fixed and yea that was stupid just made me more hurt and more angry .
I'm just living day to day that's all I can do. Yet looking ahead my baby's birthday is next week and another child's
Birthday is also I may followed by my second oldest to graduate high school . And the family doesn't care and very few friends care . I feel like I have so many enemies now wishing bad on me . Thad a whole other blog post . Pray for me . Pray for my children
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