It's been a while since I have posted a big update . So I suppose it's time.
Ryan has been in the shepherd center in Atlanta since July . Remember in may he took off and basically left us.
He was in the share initiative program for veterans .
Initially I was so full of hope that a miracle would happen. Well so far it hasn't.
I suppose the program is good for some I read how successful it has been. However the family was suppose to be included in his care and counciling .
I had been constantly trying to get involved via FaceTime or phone with his councilor. It never happened. I was also told we could live in a family housing there and that also never happened .
Believe me I called and emailed . So I was either ignored or possibly Ryan instructed them not to include me . I was initially told he authorized it.
I honesty am extremely disappointed in how I was treated . One of the councilors basically finally told me he wasn't equipped to 'handle our situation ' . It sounds as if all they focused on was combat issues. Even though I shared all that happened.
I feel at first they were better than how the VA treated me. But in the end I have seen no change in him.
I told him weeks ago he was not allowed back here until he was better or showed signs he was . I also told the councilor this several times .
I can not allow him back around the children unless I knew it was safe.
Maybe I'm wrong idk. But a father and husband that has hurt a family as he has should be remorseful and apologize for what he has done .
He has hardly kept in touch with me or the children while in the program . Every time I call his apartment I couldn't reach him. He was given an iPad weeks ago and FaceTime with us, once . He had put on a lot of weight which surprised the kids. And left them with a lot of questions .
He only facetimed that one time . I emailed him over and over and would get little if any reply. He has basically disconnected with us.
He even missed 3 birthdays . He called after dehvins , totally missed ansely's sweet sixteen . I mean he could have written or emailed all he wanted too if he chose .
This is not someone IMO that is well or remorseful for anything . If someone loves their family they prove it and do all they can to make up for the damage. I have been told that this is what 'they' do. Yet I know several veterans of the war that are ok. That treat their families like they should. At times i find myself asking WHY WHY WHY? Yes I want that happy family life. But as much as I try I feel nothing anymore. I feel guilty for that.
I don't talk badly about him to the kids , I try to explain as best I can that he is mentally ill. But it doesn't matter to several of them.They tell me they are 'sick of hearing it'
We pray for him . To feel I have done everything I can for him . It is up to Ryan and God. Without God he will never get better. Today is the date he is suppose to be discharged from the program. I have no idea what he will do. HE had told them he would stay at his step Moms. Yet he never asked her....
All summer I have still had to fight with the national guard to keep getting his incap pay. As I posted before its been an ongoing battle. Sometimes I go 6 weeks with out a pay check. I'm still angry with the NG about all of this. I mean he was injured while deployed . I should not have to fight for what we should get. And because of the mistakes I still pay for Tricare every month. If he was still "on orders" we would not. The disability is still being appealled.
Last week we went to Ga, not for happy fun. Sadly it was for another funeral. My best friend's sweet mother passed away. I had tried to contact my mom to stay at my grandmothers empty house. They never replied. So I stayed at a hotel. Actually 3 different ones because they were booked! I called my step MIL. She said it wasnt a good time for use to stay with her either....What?! I still do not get that. This women does a lot. I did go to see her. IT was odd and sad to be in grampas house and he wasnt there. But all his things were. We did not feel at all welcome there either. IT was dinner time, the kids were hungry and even the little ones said they were. She didnt even offer a glass of water. IT was very strange. Oh well, I should have known , right?
We did have a little fun after all. Seeing our friends. Hiking and I took the kids to see our old house. That was so sad. The house was vacant and a HUD foreclosure. The house is for sale for 50 thousand dollars! Yes you read that correct. We sold it in 2004 for like 109 I think. We bought it as a foreclosure in 1998 for 75. We did a ton of work on that house. Two of my babies were born in that house. I admit I had tears when I peeked in the back window and saw the kitchen and wood floors ryan installed. Even the chicken coup ryan built is still standing!
Yes it is very tempting to move back to ga, Not so much to where we lived but we realize how much we miss it. I LOVE the beach. I miss my friends, the catholic homeschool group is so wonderful. I find I have much to pray about. Some of the kids want to move back the oldest do not. WE do have great friends here. But sadly we honestly dont see them much. Everyone is so busy with there large families.
I also went to see my sweet grandma. She is living in nursing home now. She seems ok, still has demetia . She remembered the older children. I felt so sad leaving her there.
This is me and the kids visiting my grandmother.
Me with Liz , I have not seen her since we moved but we kept in touch txt and calls...
Here we are hiking at Red Top Mountain. Not very rugged but enough for my florida kids...
Yes Sebastian hiking over half the trail...
Nursing break.....
Finally got him to let me carry him .....so i could hike faster
THE END........
Sisters 
