Letter from Ryan's sister

After the email I sent to Gail and intended for his siblings I received a letter in the mail today from Kim , his sister . I am typing it here and will comment after it:

First of all I'm sorry I haven't called  since March I am now the first assistant manager and which means few hours when i Wasn't there I was helping my husband at his job, I have  to take care of the house which was very little time for anything else.
Also I will be honest I'm a positive person I tried to listen to everyone and help in anyway I can . when I  talk with you it is so hard because it seems that you your whole life is negative and when I hang up i am completely drained of all  positive energy and I am depressed.
I am very sorry life is the way it is but I didn't choose it for you .Remember what you told Ryan after Dehvin was born Lisa he was to take care of the household you were take care of the children and all the discipline.
He had no say in how they were raised if he did try he was yelled at so he just kept going deeper into his shell.It is not all one sided in your marriage both of you have created your life as it is now and you both have to fix it.
Now I want you to think for a minute you don't like it when Ryan gets verbally  abusive but what both of you have done a daily basis you talked each other down in front of the children and now they talk Ryan down like he is nothing.
And he can't discipline them because he is not allowed you made yourself the head of the household long ago and Ryan was just there.

We have no control over Ryan or what he does he want us to have we can give him as much advice as we can and we do but is up to him to take it we can't force him to.
He doesn't talk to anyone in the family about anything in his life if you believe it or not . you've been married to him for 20 some years you of all people should know he is.

Don't be blaming us saying we are enabling him. It takes some soldiers years before they come to terms with what happened there is no set time clock on this and no one can decide except him when he is ready.

The choices you make in life is your destiny you chose to have six beautiful children and raise them how you wanted them to be raised therefore you got your destiny you're raising them on your own.
You may think that all of your problems are one-sided but it takes two to make a life but it is in the finger points of both of you .In closing I love all the children and I want nothing but the best for all of you to try to think on a more positive side because negativity will only bring more negative. 

I really don't know what to say . They never really supported OUR joint decision for me to be a stay at home homeschooling mom . The family believes in abortion and birth control . In remember Ryan would not Go to work his dad would call looking for him when he worked construction . Sure i led our family in prayer and faith , because he didn't . I have always done what God led me to do. I'm really surprised his sister is dredging up things from 20 years ago! I grew up and

Changed . I'm sure you all that know me know me! Reading her letter i realized I've tried they are not going to do anything . I'm truly alone . 

Prayer request

I would like to ask you all to please pray for us. Nothing has changed really.

The national guard still hasn't paid for two months . I really don't know what else to do . There isn't enough income for me to cover bills . Let alone groceries . I'm exhausted from not eating enough and from stress . 

Thank you all for your prayers 

"Don't have any time"

I would like to share an email I sent to Ryan's step mom the other day .

It's pretty self explanatory . Her reply follows . 

I just received my first call from my SIL since February . When she promised to help me with her brother . 

Her message was plain no empathy just basically ' I apologize for not calling I do care about you and the kids but I've been promoted at work ,

I'm working with my husband when I'm not at that job I have animals and a house to clean  I'm just too tired I don't have time to call u and talk for an hour" 

All I can say is wow! Look at me I have so much time don't I ? Six children, homeschooling , being a doula where I am gone at times for 48 hrs no sleep . I guess the family thinks I don't "work " they never supported me being a stay at home mom.

Here is the email I sent :

Gail
I hope you are doing well. I have been pondering emailing you for some time. I feel I need to and you can share my email with Kim and Kent. Because this is for the family basically.
I am not sure where to or how to start. OR if it will eve matter. I have not heard from Kim since February. She has not called me since she called me when ryan came down here with a uhaul trailer to get his tools and stuff. She begged me to let ryan see the kids that didn't want to. And she has not called me since to see if we are ok.
No one in the family calls us to see if the kids are ok.
Everytime I talk to you you say when I ask about ryan you say he is fine to you. How is is ok or fine? How is what he is doing normal? The family is enabling him to keep acting like he is.and verbally to all of us.

The past month he has lied to me and his Unit several times. HE was told to be sending his VA records monthly to his unit. HE did not. The past three weeks he told me twice he sent all of the VA papers to his SSG. WHen I asked about it he would get mad. HE said the post office 'lost it " he said he re copied it and resent . Again never arrived. Well the Friday he apparently went to hunting camp with kent . He promised to send money to us. HE did not. The military pay has been frozen as I told you. No pay since JUNE 7.

HE has played his games and lied since then. HE finally called Wednesday said he sent

 

You were a single mom so I expected you to get this. Ryan tells people I kicked him out etc. He is living the life he wants.
When he left over a year ago it WAS HIS choice to walk out on us. AND while he was in treatment he was suppose to keep me involved in all of his care and counciling. HE did not. I told him that IF he wanted to come back into this house We must know he is getting help and is ok. And he wont hurt us physically. HE was abusive physically 200 dollars. And the papers would be at his unit by thurs 3pm. His SSG called me on speaker Thursday HE said the papers arrived. The package was sent on July 17 via priority mail. Arrived July 18. Ryan lied again. He never sent those papers to begin with.

They are reviewing the VA papers and will let me know when OR it they will pay INCAP. So obviously. I have 6 kids here and trying to survive while ryan does what he wants goes hunting etc.... WHILE we as usual go with out food!
His behavior is not normal or ok. Yet all of the family continues to allow this. YOU ALL HAVE to do something.

Non of the family has any idea the hell me and the kids are going thru. And before anyone says I need a job...well I have one I have a few different ones . But it does not support this family. RYAN has not done what he should. And I am appalled Kim or you do not seem to care . I guess you believe what ever ryan tells you all. But I have friends in ga that KNOW him and tell me he is not normal and ok. All he does is lie.

Please let Kim know I am so hurt with her. She PROMISED me in February to help me help him and she never returned my calls , and doesn't call .

IF he ends up doing something stupid it will be on all of you, not me because I have done all I can .

This is his step mom's reply:

I will only answer one allegation now - I will answer all the others later -  Ryan did copy all the tons of pages and mailed them earlier - it was going to be $50+ dollars to send them fed-ex and he sent them in regular mail for around $6  - it was no lie when he said he sent them - I don't know if the unit received them or not - then he reprinted them all one day this week and sent them by priority mail - Darlene told him that was the best way -

I replied to her that I was not making 'allegations' I was stating facts. The fact is he did not send them when he told ME. He was actually suppose to send them all along to his unit I learned. And he knew this.
I am just sitting here shaking my head. I use to be very close to Kim , my sil. Keep in mind her sister died suddenly almost two years ago a month after their dad. The family treated Dawn like crap . They treated her as an outcast and didn't 'have time' to listen to her either because her life was not great she made mistakes. BUT she was the ONE person that did call me often . Dawn's birthday would be July 26. I miss her so much. She had a heart of gold. And LOVED everyone.

 

 

Blessings this week

First I want to thank you all that have blessed my family with prayers . I feel them . God always provides miracles for me and the kids . I have had a friend show up with a bunch of groceries . A few doula clients pay me more than I wanted from them . I had one friend at church slip me a check after mass that totally caught me off guard . I was so shocked by their generosity . With out all of you I don't know what I would Do. Thank you so so much . You know whom you are . Know I pray for you all and I am offering up my suffering for whomever is in need .

I never heard from Ryan after he hung up on my Saturday . Until Wednesday afternoon . He left a message that the VA papers should be in his sergeants office by 3pm Thursday . I didn't talk to him because I am so hurt and disgusted by his continued selfishness. 

So today I called his SSG in his unit . He called back to tell me the package had indeed arrived . Via USPS priority . It was sent on June 17, the day before . The cost paid to ship was 19 something bucks . 

I was so angry and upset . Because for weeks he said he had sent the required papers . He even told me

He resent them last week and they should be there by this past Monday . 

I just do not understand . He knows that this is why the NG has frozen Incap pay . It's his fault that me and the children go without . I'm laying here still in shock . I'm so stupid to keep praying he will snap out of this . I'm sorry I refuse to believe anymore that PTSD and a TBI can cause him to be so disconnected and mean . 

Honestly looking back for years he has been selfish . I'm reminded of my pregnancy with Sebastian how I went without proper food while I caught him eating out . Heck my midwife then knew how he treated me . 

I feel it's time to do what I don't believe in . File for a divorce. But it's so hard to do. And it's so expensive . I still need your prayers . 

Paypal Donations

One of my readers of my blog posted a comment this morning, something I had NEVER thought about doing. It was suggested I post a paypal "donation" link on my blog. At first I was like that's sweet but I can not do that. I do not post my struggles as a way to beg for money. It is how I vent so to speak. Then I was talking to a friend of mine and mentioned it to her.

She was like you should look at all you do as a volunteer in our community. I have been a LLL Leader for 15 years. I am retired but I still do home visits to moms.

I volunteer my doula services for free to those that can  not afford one because I want to help all moms have the birth they want. I also volunteer my doula services to OSD (operation special delivery) which is doula's for moms whose husbands are deployed serving this country.

 I guess I have always had a giving heart and NEVER expected anything in return. My husband use to complain ALL the time how much time I spent helping breastfeeding moms....I had a gift I want to share.

So I added a paypal donation button to my blog, it is on the right sidebar. You can donate if you would like. I will use  it to buy groceries and gas because I do drive a lot to moms and do post partum visits.
 I am as I said looking for job that will be flexible with my doula business. Because birth and breastfeeding work is my passion and gift to others.

I thank you ALL for you prayers and encouragement.

More broken promises

I have been sitting here staring at the screen trying to come up with some creative blog post. But I just do not have anything creative, or positive to say this morning.
I have been trying to call ryan since yesterday because he 'promised' to call me back. He 'promised' he would send my money last night for groceries.
So I decide to text his step mom where he is living:

 

AS you can read he went to a hunting camp in south ga. So I kept calling him and he finally answered. Tried to lie. He tells me 'he hasn't got paid yet' goes on to yell at me that he sent money last week (200 bucks) and I need to learn to manage money!! I BEGGED him to send money because I am that desperate. I am in tears typing this. That I would have to beg the father of our six children , husband of almost 23 years to help us. I am trying so hard to hold myself together this morning. I am filled with so much hurt and anger.

I have been actively looking for job. I have a few doula clients spread out. That is one thing that will be difficult (besides leaving my kids) is finding a flexible job so I can keep up my doula clients. I LOVE being a doula. But it wont support my family. I have had a sucker punch this am. The realization I AM ALONE , TRUELY ALONE trying to raise my children.  Please pray for us. I can not wait to go to Mass tonight......

Trusting , needs

As you can see I haven't been posting much on my blog . I have been dealing with so much and I just get sick of posting my issues . 

But those that do read my blog I beg you for prayers . The military Incap pay has not gone in since June 7. They basically have 'frozen' pay . They want all of Ryan's va records for past year a a few other things . I've been trying to get in touch with him and keep telling him to just do it. He finally did he said . 

I don't feel since they know what going on that its fair .they know he has severe PTSD /TBI I submit every month the papers needed.i think it's a excise to delay pay. It's all I get and honestly I have about 20 bucks and that all. 

I'm looking for a job . I actually enrolled into school today for massage therapy but not sure i will go because while I have grants. There would be some loan money and I don't want any debt .

I am hoping Ryan will get me the VA benefits transferred also then I will be ok . The school I chose is great . Mostly online and I would go to class on Saturdays for hands on. 

I still want to become a midwife but need a college math and English credit first And Fafsa only covers majors not individual class I think .

Please pray for us . I'm really afraid . I have a few unpaid bills this month one being our family cell phones. It's all I have for phones . And mostly my computer access . I also have A water bill past due and need  gas money and grocery needs . 

I am offering as much as I can remember to. It's so hard to do but this week I got together with a few homeschool moms and were talking about our suffering on earth how it can be used to help others get to heaven or convert . I'm trying so hard to keep this on my mind . But it's hard when your children need to be fed . 

I'm reminded again ...

Jesus Trust in You ❤

Be Not Afraid