WFGF Vegan German Chocolate Cake

Vegan Chocolate Cake 3 cups Arrowhead Mills WFGF mix 2 cups sugar 1 t. baking soda 1/2 t. salt 1/2 cup cocoa 3/4 cup oil 1 t. vanilla 2 T. vinegar 2 cups water Mix the dry ingredients and then add the wet ones, and mix until smooth. (I beat it for about 1 minute with a mixer.)  Prepare pan(s) by greasing and flouring lightly. Pour into 24 cupcake pans, two 9-inch pans, or one 9X11-inch pan. Bake at 350 degrees for approximately 20-25 minutes (cupcakes), 30 minutes (9-inch) or 50 minutes (9X11). Test with a toothpick to make sure it is done all the way through. While baking prepare frosting.

Vegan German Chocolate Frosting

1 cup Coconut Milk (I use So Delicious)

1/3 cup coconut milk creamer

1 1/4 cups organic sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/3 cup cornstarch mixed with 1/4 cup water until smooth

2 1/2 cups organic flaked coconut

1 1/2 cups chopped pecans

Instructions

1. In a medium saucepan, mix the coconut milk, coconut milk creamer, sugar, and vanilla together. Add the cornstarch mixture and cook over medium-high heat, stirring constantly, until mixture boils and thickens. Cook for one minute after it boils. Remove from heat and stir in coconut and pecans.
2. Allow to cool for about 10 minutes (mixture should still be warm) before spreading on cake

Happy 3rd Birthday Sebastian

It is so hard for me to believe my sweet Sebastian has been with us for three years! My Cinco de Mayo baby..His beginning was roughSebastian's birth story This year ,as rough as it has been, Ryan was home for his birthday. HE had not been home for his First and second birthday. We went to the zoo, as a family, for the first time in a LONG time. Because Sebastian wanted to see the "animals"
Here are photos from his day.
                                                  He just woke up

                                                      cards......

                                    Sweet , natural fun gifts , natural play doh, beeswax block crayons, chalk,finger stamps and a few simple toys, Legos and an etch a sketch

Nothing like a ride on daddy

                                                     It was over 90 this day he had a unflavored sno biz

He RAN most of the way thru the zoo but took many nursing breaks in the sling

To end the day his vegan GFWF german chocolate cake.....

Thank you God for the gift of Sebastian and for this treasured family day

Letter to my parents

It's been over 8 months since you both basically disowned me as your daughter. I've been intending to write this letter for months .




We saw you were down here in January for your birthday . The kids saw your truck at the hotel and felicity said " meme is here " also me and Ansely are pretty sure that we saw you on the beach while we were riding bikes . Ansely noticed you both were trying to not see us . That's what she said .



So the children know you were down here and not once came to see them. And then you have chosen to ignore their birthdays.(as well as MY BIRTHDAY) Felicity would look for a card for weeks ...I have had to explain to them as best I can . But I really can't explain such behavior to a child. Because I , Lisa , who was your daughter by birth is no longer your daughter anymore. So I write to ask why? What is it that I did that would cause a parent to treat a child of theirs this way? I know it has something to do with Scott . All I can say is I'm disgusted that you would choose one child over the other.

But looking back at my life and my childhood I'm not surprised at all. I remember probably more than you do. You never really loved me unconditionally . I have never felt loved by you. I lived my childhood in fear. I vowed to never treat my children , whom are gifts from God , like you treated me.

All I remember is the blood streaked legs and bruises on my legs from belts. I also remember Grandma telling me a few times to tell her and she would take care of us because you were abusive. I am so thankful I had a loving grandmother I could go to as a child. MY children do not have any grandparents anymore. YOU are missing out on such wonderful grandchildren.



I'm sure you will disagree . But it doesn't matter . I forgive you. But I have never forgotten. I pray for you .

If this has anything to do with us converting to the Catholic church again, I forgive you. No matter what you THINK you know about the Catholic faith YOU are wrong. People have misinformed you. (those that were catholic and are not) People are people its not about the church. Just as there are different beliefs within the baptist churches there are differences within the Catholic church, Why? Because it is the people NOT the faith. People are human, people choose sometimes what they WANT to within their church, even though it is not right.. I love being catholic and I have learned more in the catholic church about the bible, and what Jesus teaches than I did growing up. I know Jesus loves us. HE has carried me through all my sorrow. Jesus IS the way and the truth.



You have no idea what me and the kids have been thru the past two years. You were not supportive of us when you should have been when Ryan was deployed serving this country. Instead you condemned him for it. No I was not happy about it. He will suffer the rest of his life for serving this country. You have no idea what we have been thru.



I really after the past 8 months since you turned on us don't know what to say. Even when Ryan's dad and then Sister died you were so cold . Even when I was in GA for the funeral you would not even tell me where grandma was telling me I had not right to see her. Well I was resourceful and prayed and called the right people to find her.



I ask again for you to write me back and explain why? Why did you disown me and my children? If I was once your daughter then I have a right to know why? All I can think of is Scott has somehow blamed me for something and you believe him. I realize you won't believe me but he has lied about so much . You have no idea the things he did and said to me and the kids . I tried to tell you some of what he did yet you didn't believe me. But I and the kids know its true.



I guess there really isnt anymore to say. I pray you have a happy rest of your lives. And wonder when you are old like grandma who will help you .

Deed and Truth

Sunday Mass readings spoke to my heart and wanted to share these readings, After the scripture I will share more why.

Reading 2
1 Jn 3:18-24
Children, let us love not in word or speech
but in deed and truth.
Now this is how we shall know that we belong to the truth
and reassure our hearts before him
in whatever our hearts condemn,for God is greater than our hearts and knows everything.
Beloved, if our hearts do not condemn us,
we have confidence in God
and receive from him whatever we ask,
because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him.
And his commandment is this:
we should believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ,
and love one another just as he commanded us.
Those who keep his commandments remain in him, and he in them,
and the way we know that he remains in us
is from the Spirit he gave us.

Gospel Jn 15:1-8
Jesus said to his disciples:
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower.
He takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit,
and every one that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit.
You are already pruned because of the word that I spoke to you.
Remain in me, as I remain in you.
Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own
unless it remains on the vine,
so neither can you unless you remain in me.
I am the vine, you are the branches.
Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit,
because without me you can do nothing.
Anyone who does not remain in me
will be thrown out like a branch and wither;
people will gather them and throw them into a fire
and they will be burned.
If you remain in me and my words remain in you,
ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you.
By this is my Father glorified,
that you bear much fruit and become my disciples."

I have a few thougths on the above readings. "Children, let us love not in word or speech but in deed and truth."
To ME this says actions speak louder than words. I seem to have very few true friends anymore. I have many "facebook friends" which in all honesty have been more of "friend" to me than any local "friends" I thought I had. I have a few local friends. All are very busy homeschool mommas like myself. And I GET that. I email every now and then asking "friends" for prayers. I think some are aware of the difficulties I am living. Others may not or just do not want to know about it. I know I have been whiney before about feeling alone with no friends let alone family.
I would do anything for my friends and I think they know this. Not just my prayers but in my actions.

During my struggles I have been SO blessed by several people that have sent me help in various forms. And to YOU if YOU read this GOD BLESS you. I pray for those that surprise me with acts of kindness. You have NO idea what your gifts have done fo rmy family. Gift cards for groceries , even money orders.

I guess I am mainly writing this to point out no matter who you are or where you are. If you have friends, be a friend. CALL your friends or txt but calls are special, show up and hug a friend. Bring dinner to a family . Dont bury yourself in your own pity be a doer. Go out and do unto others as you would LIKE done to YOU.

To all of you that pray for us, God Bless you and Give you Grace.  Those that have sent me cards, gift cards etc God Bless you and Give you Grace.

Update time

I have not been blogging about how life has been the past month with ryan being home from the VA hospital. I have been trying to be positive and post happy family stuff. Because I just know I wont be able to not complain and whine.
I have been researching a lot. I have so much to say but so much I cant. Any other military wife that is reading this that has a spouse with PTSD and a TBI KNOWS what I am dealing with. (this post I have been working on the past week)

Basically he is the same in some was. Ok in others and yet worse. I never know what mood he will be in. I live my life walking on eggshells . I stay in my room a lot to avoid him. Because you can't talk to him. If I need to remind him of certain things he gets angry.
He started a new medication. I can't tell if it's working. But a few days ago he apparently was to increase his dose . He was like a zombie. So he went back to the regular. Then some days I don't think he takes it and he is even weirder.

A few months ago I posted about the mysterious wounds he has on his legsclick here Well I did more research and came across what we feel he has, here is ONE link :http://www.leishmaniasis.us/Leish.html

To say the least I am pretty upset and angry. This is serious and can be contageous in some forms?? He failed to tell me he has some sort of fungus on his feet and under his arms...Well I now have a horrible itchy rash under my arms. I confronted him and apparently he used MY deoderant. I pray it is just a yeasty rash, though it is AWFUL. I am already prone to yeast or I was years ago I had horrible nipple thrush. So I do take lots of probiotic and avoid sugar. I am treating myself with purication eo (my young living oils) and also using raw apple cider vinegar. Please pray it goes away and sebastian doesnt get it. He nurses a lot and loves to touch me and of course my armpits are right there. Here is one picture of what one of my arm pits look like:

I printed off copies of the paperwork  and had him take it to his last VA appt in Gainesville thispast week. Not knowing all the details because I cant go with him and his memory has gotten WORSE. HE txt that he was sent to the urgent care to be seen. The dr does agree it may be in fact the leishmaniasis. In the meantime he has finally realized he must seek an outside dr for a diagnosis, which I have said all along...it took another vet to tell him this...what ever.

I just don't know how I can keep living with him. He honestly can be so mean. Telling me I'm the one that's messed up. Then the next day he admits it was two days since he took his meds. Ugh! This whole thing is just a bad dream. Then  another day he is all happy. He seems bipolar at times.

One day he went to a Vystar credit union to cash a small check (under a hundred) an elderly lady in our neighhood gave it to him. Keep in mind he didnt tell me about this until later. But he showed his ID and military ID. The teller disapeared for a long time and he ask what the issue was. The teller told him they were checking for his name on a terrorist list! HE LOST it he said demanded to see a manager which was not there he was told and the teller walked away. He went to his truck where two of the older girls were. And he started crying. He told me that night and why it upset him. HE had told the teller that he was a iraq vet that fought terrorist and he was being treated like one. This wa show he felt. I have NEVER seen him like this. I tried to tell him this is how we live now in the USA....

This is ONE of the reasons I do not want him going places alone. But he gets very angry when I remind him and feels Im controlling. I really am not trying to be its for his safety.

We had our first family outing to the zoo for Sebatian's 3 rd birthday (another upcoming post when I upload pics ) on Cinco de Mayo. I was very concerned about it at first but it actually went good. We focused on the day and that this was the first birthday ryan had been home for since he was born.

So I am faced with a lot . I still have the same feelings and asked myself what do I do? He yelled at me one day that if this was going to work (our marriage) I HAD to leave the past in the past. I have forgave a LOT. There is much due to his time in the VA hospital that has not even been talked about. But now he says he doesnt recall a lot.

I just want a normal happy catholic husband. I am so envious of several of my friends I see them , or I read their blogs about how wonderful their husband is....WHY Lord can we not have that?! Pray for us.