Memorial Day ......

While we honor all those that died serving this country let us not forget this .

Week in review

This past week has been rough. Sebastian came down with another respiratory illness . Had a chest X-ray . Said it was bronchitis . 

Medicaid wouldn't cover the one prescription for the nebulizer so I prayed and used oils and homeopathics . He is healing praise God . 

A follow up to my parents being here . I only saw them that one day . They didn't come over again . They left without saying goodbye . Whatever I'm used to it .

Once again the national guard has not paid us. I submitted paperwork on time as usual for Incap. I have emailed and called for two weeks asking where the les is . No answers . So I have 41 dollars. I'm disgusted . It's is Memorial Day weekend . A time we honor the solders that died for this country. A time to honor all solders . Because freedom is not free . All the families also suffer. 

My Millennium baby is a teenager

On May 20 Tatiana turned 13! My Millennium baby.

She was also my first Homebirth . Even though my first two were fast and natural. 

She was born very quickly around 11:30 am and we laugh because she first nursed at noon , just in time for lunch.

Here she is the day she was born....

 

 

 

 

 

Happy 13th Birthday

 

Our First family 5k

This past weekend was the Never Quit 5K and Trident http://neverquitnever.com/ Please read all about it there. This year the guest speaker was Bethany Hamilton! Friday began with her speaking and the showing of Soul Surfer.
We were so blessed . The Wounded Warriors Project paid for all of to participate. They have helped my family so much. PLEASE if you can support the WWP!

Sunday I began the morning at 6 am Mass at the Mission De Nombre at the rustic altar for a beautiful Sunrise Pentecost Mass with a newly ordained priest, Father Richard Pagano.  Such a wonderful day!

Pentecost Sunday Mass

Before the 5k

 

After the race yes Felicity ran most of the race with me I ran with Sebastian in the jogger

 

 

Shocking day

May 13 , 2013 has been an interesting day . It is the feast day of our lady of Fatima .

On Mother's Day I text my mom , whom hasn't been talking to me since my oldest  18 birthday almost 2 years ago . Basically because of something related to my brother (whom I also no longer talk to he is bi polar ) anyway I decided to txt her happy Mother's Day . To my surprise she replied ."Thank you . You have a Happy Mothers Day too. Dont know how you feel about us coming to see you later today? " they were here in town on vacation again . I had a bad day since I woke up with vertigo . 

So today I took the jeep to the beach with the younger kids because they wanted to go  in the jeep . I had Txt my parents a few times telling them I was going to the beach but no reply.  

See I know them they live at the each on vacation it's how I grew up vacationing here.

The ramp I get on was closed so I went to the next one . Keep in mind they didn't Txt me back .well I found them at the beach , almost 2 years since I've seen them . I pulled beside them . And stayed for a little bit . I never talked about how horribly they have treated me . I still do not know why or how I managed the courage to do that. My mom played with Sebastian and felicity in the sand . Though Sebastian was Leary of them . There was definite tension . 

They did come over this afternoon and brought a pizza. Ansely was angry I met them and let them come .she stayed in her room . Dehvin was at work . 

I want to know why they 'disowned ' me . I don't know how I allowed them near me and the kids . After all the hurt they have inflicted . I feel the blessed mother had a hand in today with it being our lady of Fatima , so I went along with it . 

I don't know what to say . I really want answers . It's weird how all the pain and hurt seemed to have melted from me . 

The other shock was I mentioned my brother and how he messaged me via my photography fb page in march . He told me he had found his daughter on fb . He sent me a photo of her . My parents were shocked but not . I think annoyed because I knew an apparent dark secret .

Later they admitted they already knew .

Apparently they knew a lot . Yes more secrets from them . They had found a lot about her . Photos etc. 

Since I'm so resourceful I started searching because I knew her mom and family . Yes I found her . I found a lot out tonight . Which I will post another blog about my niece . The last I saw her she was 9 months old . She is 15 now . She looks very much like me at that age . Which I never expected . 

I'm still in shock unsure what to say . I needed to blog this so I wouldn't forget . 

Please pray for me to do and say what I should . 

Here a photo I took of my mom with the Kids that went to the beach today .

"Read"

I haven't really updated lately about the situation with ryan. Partly because I just want it all behind me I want to block him and the entire situation out of my mind.

Not that there have been any big changes. He still doesn't communicate with the children. Even though he has stated MANY times he 'was working on letters' But nothing has arrived. He has an ipad. So he has access to Skype or facetime.

 Last week a text message came thru it was from him. Via a different email address. I knew he was on the ipad because it comes thru as an Imessage. And that special word "read". You know when the receiver of the message has seen or 'read' the sent message. He messaged the day after Sebastian's birthday. HE had actually called on Sebastian's birthday.. But it was crazy since we were doing the cake.
 He had told me he had sent a package a few days before. I questioned that. and when it would arrive. It ends up he said he went to UPs store and the package had not shipped???SO he 'got his money back" I still do not know if a package was sent. Because he said he was money gram to me to go buy Sebastian a gift and tell him it was from dad. Hmm? Really? I was like he wont know or really understand.

Back to his imessage. He had messaged about sebastians day , what I got him etc. HE asked what to get Tatiana for her birthday that is coming up on May 20. I told him some Dr Who stuff maybe. I asked him if he was on the ipad. HE kept asking questions. Said good nite. I asked more questions but he never replied. I noticed the next day he had "read" the imessage . But he never replied.

A lot of questionable things happened lately. One was a dvd was mailed to us from Wounded Warriors. It was from an outing at the Georgia Aquarium. Ryan was in it. Apparently he did that and a soldier bike even in Atlanta. I asked him about it . He said he told us....I said No you did not.

His family is still enabling him. The family never calls me or the children. I have tried to accept all of this . I am a mom of 6 yet I still feel alone. I was not suppose to be parenting teens alone. I am worried about the future. Income etc. I still trust God. But it is so hard. When you have 6 children to feed and care for.

Then I am dealing with guilt again. Recently a few friends on facebook posted some military stuff. Once was about TBI and one was a link about a show called inside Combat Rescue. I should feel ryan is a hero I am told . People thank us for service all the time. But I do not feel that way. I do not look at him as a hero. I am sorry. IT is how I feel. He abused us. He left us. Yet I see a show and the soldiers love their family, They Skype, they write home etc. Ryan did not hardly communicate while deployed. IT is just so hard. I do not know him. I feel like my marriage wasn't real. Yet as a catholic I know better. I am tired. I am rambling. Typical for me I guess.

Sebastian is 4!

I can hardly believe it that May 5 my 'baby' turned four! He is such a sweet little boy. He still nurses, of course. He is nursing less and less. I am enjoying every time he does and tell myself he won't nurse much longer. Yes I admit I will be sad when he weans. But it could be another year.

 He loves Legos and is getting very good at making creations. His speech is delayed and  I will be getting some evaluations soon. That is another post.

WE go on daily bike rides or walks usually ending up on the beach. The beach is a great place for him to run and not get hurt....

He LOVES cake decorating, He watches them on you tube.  I found a play doh set . I really do not care for play doh and usually make my own. But face it kids love it. It is messy . I found a nice little mat at Hobby Lobby and used a coupon for 40 % off. It is great for projects and I used to decorate the cake.
I realized I failed to get a picture with him on his day!

For those that may not know his birth story click here Sebastian's birth story.

Here are pics of his birthday.

Gluten free dairy free Chocolate Lego Cake

For my four year olds birthday he begged for a Lego Cake . I search the Internet and got ideas . It had to be gluten free and dairy free .
I have finally after reading several sites perfected a gluten free cake .I tweaked it to the ingredients I use.
I made my own gluten free flour blend,

 Cake Flour Blend

Yield: Approximately 3 cups

Ingredients:

• 1 1/4 cup superfine white rice flour (I use Bob's Red Mill))
• 3/4 cup potato starch
• 1/2 cup sorghum or oat flour
• 1/4 cup superfine brown rice flour (or more superfine white rice flour)
• 1/4 cup tapioca starch
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda (for  chocolate cake use 2)
• 2 teaspoons gluten-free baking powder
• 2 teaspoons xanthan gum (or guar gum for corn-free)

Instructions:

1. Mix all ingredients well by whisking and shaking. For best results sift together one to two times.
2. Tips

If you are making a yellow or white cake you may consider using more white rice flour in place of the brown rice flour, as the mix above makes it a tiny bit brown. Though sorghum is a bit on the brown side, this recipe uses very little and does not effect the yellow color of cake. If using this gluten free cake flour blend to substitute regular all-purpose flour in a recipe I suggest baking at 350°F, no matter what the recipe calls for, and adding a bit more fat: oil, butter, etc.

I made my own gluten free baking mix.

For the Chocolate Cake FOR THE LEGO CAKE I DOUBLED THIS
• 1 3/4 cup  Gluten-free Cake Flour
• 1 1/3 cups sugar or evaporated cane juice
• 3/4 cup raw cacaou  
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup oil (I used coconut oil and earth balance melted)
• 3/4 cup boiling water
• 1 cup milk, room temperature or 80°F. I used coconut milk
• 2 eggs, at room temperature
• 1 egg white, at room temperature
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• Superfine white rice flour, for dusting
 

Instructions:

To Make the Cake:
1. Heat oven to 350°F.
2. Oil and dust with superfine rice flour, two 9-inch round cake pans. (Doubled I used a 9x13 and also made cupcakes because it was a lot)
3. In the bowl of your mixer, mix together all dry ingredients.
4. Add milk, oil, and eggs; and beat on medium speed until smooth.
5. Add in boiling water and mix on low until well blended; add vanilla and blend again.
6. Bake about 30 minutes or until it is toothpick clean.
7. Remove from oven and cool for 10-15 minutes; and remove from pans by turning it upside down onto your hand and then transfer down side down onto a cooling rack. Cool completely.

For Frosting I used a basic butter cream recipe but used spectrum non hydrogenated shortening. For colors I used beet powder, green matcha tea powder and turmeric. I had to adjust by adding more until I achieved the color I wanted.

This top photo one of the pieces broke so I held it together with frosting. I baked in a 9x13. Cut the cake into thirds. And cut one of the thirds in half. I used natural marshmallows cut in half for the top of the cake.