Feeling judged and guilt

So, what did Jesus mean when He said not to judge others, if He Himself was telling people how to conduct their lives? There are other sayings of Jesus that clarify what Jesus objected to when people judged each other:

"Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment." (John 7:24)

So, it would seem that Jesus' major concern is that people do not make snap judgments from what they guess might have happened. Many people (both Christians and non-Christians) tend to fall into this kind of judgment problem, if they are not careful to check the facts carefully. For example, one should not judge a person based upon the group to which he belongs. Not all Muslims are terrorists. Not all Christians are hypocrites. Not all atheists practice rampant immorality. Notice that the verse does not tell us not to judge at all, but to judge according to righteousness. If we cannot verify the truth about an accusation, we should keep our mouths shut. This does not mean that I will not dispute the facts or opinions expressed by certain individuals. However, such critiques are not personal attacks.

 

Why am I writing about all this? Well it seems moms and many people in general feel "judged" when someone says something or does something very different from how they feel or how they do some things in their lives.

 

I am very passionate about pregnancy, natural birth and  that natural course leads into breastfeeding and mothering. Obviously I am very pro life and against abortion. All of these tend to cause much hurt, anger and feelings of judgement when someone says anything opposite of what you believe. Or have done or experienced.

 

Lets go back to this: "Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment." I do not sit around thinking if a mom chooses anything opposite of what I believe is a bad mom or person. I have been accused many times of being "judgemental"on facebook because of articles or things I post about. I post things I am passionate about personally and want to share .

 I am passionate about many things ,  I am a birth doula, a breastfeeding advocate and councilor. OF COURSE I want all moms to experience the beauty and naturalness of a unmedicated birth. OF COURSE I want all moms to breastfeed. But I do not sit back and say to client if she chooses an epidural that she is a bad mom. AS a doula I am there to support a mom with her hopefully educated decison.

 

One of mypersonal favorite quotes I used at my breastfeeding group was this " we are all moms with different backgrounds, and we all made different decisions, you did the best you  could at that time of your life with the information you had at that time of your life" and I go on to say "take what you can use and leave the rest."

 

This can be used in many different places in one life. I mainly used it at the breastfeeding support group because I had moms that in many cases did not breastfeed their first child (or more) and I NEVER wanted them to feel bad or judged. One can apply this to many areas like I said. Birth, breastfeeding and parenting.

 

I haved found some moms feel so guilty about many things in regards to mothering they feel judged if another says anything different from what they did. But keep in mind we are not mind readers either.

 That feeling of judgement can actually be that other bad feeling word "GUILT" . Moms feel SUCH GUILT over so many things.We need to LET IT GO. forgive ourselves and others. and stop blaming. IF you hear or read something that makes you feel judged, think about it, maybe we feel guilt deep down . But guess what you shouldnt.....again LET IT GO, do better learn from our past mistakes and remember this :

 

"we all made different decisions, you did the best you could at that time of your life with the information you had at that time of your life"

Prayer Cards for Venerable Father Felix Varela

On Monday, Feb 25. There was a special Mass for Fr Varela. These are the prayer cards we recieved. I am not sure if you can read the prayers.But if you know of anyone that is ill and in need of healing please pray for Fr Varela to intercede. If the healing occurs we are asked to report this. IN hope of him becoming a Saint some day!

Mass with littles

I know I am not alone with this read here This article is great.
 My 'baby' is going to be 4 in May. He still nurses and needs me. I have split mass a lot lately because I felt I NEEDED to. But I just hate sitting at mass with out all of my children. I feel we need to at least come together at mass. It is such a huge struggle with sebastian.

 He will not let me wear him at mass, HE begs to go says he 'will listen' and sit. But as soon as we are there he is off and running. HE has to see Mary, then he has to go outside and sit with the Fr Felix Variella statue Fr Varela. He is so drawn to it.

I worry lately that he has something going on. Like felicity has Sensory Processing Disorder. I see a LOT of similar issues with him. But more at times. He still is not talking well . He has a couple of words I understand, that he learned from his sister. Words I do not like....."I hate you" is one. But with music he memorizes lyrics almost instantly. But you can not understand him. But he loves music.

I wish people would be nicer at mass. There is a generation that feels children should be seen and not heard , especially at mass. Sigh

Saint Valentine's day

Growing up valentine's day was a huge chocolate and rose 'holiday' I hated it in highschool because I didn't have a boyfriend.
When I met Ryan he gave or sent me a dozen lavender roses a week! He treated me like a queen . All that slowly ended after we were married .

My teens I see and hear them talking about hating Valentine 's day . Because they don't have a boyfriend ....and how they dread seeing all the posts on fb.
My poor girls ....I pray everyday that God sends them their perfect spouse . I want better for my girls . Love and showing love goes way beyond roses and chocolate .

Deep down I know the feeling they long for . I had it many years ago . But even any of the more recent years of getting a flower from their dad meant nothing because it meant nothing It was not real love . I can not remember the last time i felt truly loved and adored by him .

What is Valentine's day anyway ?


Valentine was a holy priest who lived in Rome in the third century. When Emperor Claudius II banned Christianity, Valentine helped and encouraged the Christians who faced martyrdom rather than give up their faith. It is said he even performed marriage ceremonies for Christian couples.

Then Valentine himself was arrested. When he refused to give up his faith and worship the pagan Roman gods, he was put in prison. According to one legend, the official who imprisoned him had a blind daughter. Valentine cured her, and the official’s whole family became Christian. When Valentine was condemned to death, he wrote a farewell letter to the girl and signed it, “from your Valentine.” This could be where we get the custom of sending “Valentines” on February 14.

St. Valentine was beheaded on February 14 in the year 269 or 270. He was buried on the Flaminian Road, where a basilica, a large and beautiful church, was built in 350.

❦
Some people think the custom of sending valentines grew from a belief in the Middle Ages that birds began to choose their mates on February 14. But the best reason for honoring St. Valentine as the patron saint of love is his own great love of God, which never weakened—even at the cost of his life.

Wordless 'Ash Wednesday '

Lent and We are giving up a Pope

This morning I got the news off Facebook, since I no longer have regular TV. That our beloved Pope was resigning, read here http://www.ncregister.com/daily-news/papal-resignation-is-rare-historical-event/ . And http://catholicexchange.com/full-text-of-benedicts-declaration/

So it seems like we are all 'giving up' the same thing during Lent. Our Pope Benedict. I guess it is how one looks at it. As I see it this sad shocking news will no doubt encourage even more prayers and offering up. The bad will of course be the negative media specualtions and the general public that says horrible things about the catholic faith. We just all need to pray even more even deeper.

Pope Benedict's resignation is one of such humility. He states it is due to his declining health. I can not imagine what a difficult decision this has been for him. But the great man he is knows how difficult it was for the catholic's when Blessed Pope John Paul II passed away. He was the the Pope I came to know as a convert. I know I am not alone in missing him. I do not feel I am 'good' enough with words to properly express what this means for our Catholic faith. But I do know I will be praying and fasting even more this Lent.

I have also decided to "back off" facebook. I will still be on some. But I will not post much or what I post will be positive and prayerful. My hope is to blog much more instead. But most of all spend that time I am on facebook I hope to use to pray, read and focus on my children.

 I enjoy facebook. My best friends are there. I get most all my news there. And my doula and photography business depends a lot on fb. My backing off will be more of not posting things that seem to offend..But that is difficult because even my faith can offend.

It has been a week

He left over a week ago. He came down to get his 'stuff". He continued to txt and left messages asking for money to get back to GA.You can read my blog posts from last week or so and reviewclick here.

 The last message I got was so mean, so threatening and shocking. I have not heard from him since. I learned from his sister he made it back because his brother wired money. He has not called or txt. He has not even called to speak to the children. Nor has he written.

I have had much to think about this week. And have talked to certain people, including and advocate at Betty Griffin Outreach. At this time I feel it best to leave things as they are. Filing a divorce means attention from the courts. And what I have learned is in my state it is a 50/50 state. Not that I would keep the children from the dad they knew, but I will not have a court make me share custody with an unstable person....that could hurt them. Financially nothing would change since he doesnt have a job.

Sure they may make him get help but that is not enough for me. So for now...I must move on. Pray and trust God to keep on taking care of us.

I talked to his sister briefly. She apparently wrote him a letter and read it to me. She basically said to him what I have MANY times. I told her do not expect anything. This past week has proven to me he has no intention of taking care of us. The message he left was horrible and yes I have it save in my cell phone with a few other threatening calls.

I am struggling this week. Maybe i am just tired from a sinus thing. But at times I think how am I going to keep doing this? Alone? Lent begins in a few days. I am going to really work harder on my prayers , Adoration and family rosaries.

March for Life DC

With all the chaos this past week I failed to blog about ansely going to DC to the March For Life. To be a voice of the unborn . 40 years since the killing of babies in a mothers womb was 'legalized'

The night before the march she attended the mass for the unborn and it was televised on ewtn . I was so blessed to stream the live feed on my iPhone . I was at publix and just as I turned the live feed on I saw her going up to receive holy communion. That was God !

We also saw her homeschool youth group carrying the banner with Our Lady of La Leche on it !