My God daughter Luna

I failed to update something very special that happened July 12 this year. My God daughter, Luna Anastasia, was baptized !

 

I was blessed to be at her birth and took some awesome photos of her beautiful home water birth.
 I was in tears when Alexandra and David asked me to be her God mother. I am so honored to be her God Mother. I take this role VERY seriously. I love her like one of my own daughters.



This was one I took of Luna just after she was born in the water .




Since I was the God mother my kids used my camera to take some of these

David, Alexandra, Damian, and Luna

Father Mooney talking to Sebastian 

Me with Luna's Godfather, a fellow Fire fighter with Alexandra 

Nurturing Many Souls; Blog name change

I know I have not blogged often but I intend to get back more often. I have decided after many years of the same blog to change the name and the  blog address.
Those that follow me will notice the changes. I decided to change the names to protect my family . And while I am still legally married I just didn't want my last name on the blog anymore . Since I have posted a lot about our ups and downs and military life and now me being a solo mom because their dad left .

Of course  I dont know how safe this is . But in the future it should help.
Thank you for reading!

December 2014 update

I know I have not posted in a long time and then posted I would . The beginning half of the year I was very busy with my doula business and had about 2-3 doula clients a month.

Until August and since then. I haven t had any clients . It's so upsetting . Because I count on that income to keep the kids fed and pay bills . The amount of free and low cost Doulas in the area has increased and it seems doulas are the hot thing , though I've been doulaing before it was popular . More on this subject over on my doula website . 

 I have been living off their dad's VA disability which is under 1900 a month. Anyone with s large family knows it s huge struggle. But I manage each month to get by. 

My oldest left in August for Italy and had an au pair job . A dream come true for sure. But left me to pay her part of the shared cell phone bill and the  auto insurance . 

So I began asking their dad for help . Sometimes he would send a hundred here or there. He still supposedly doesn't have a job but I know he has handy man jobs .

He came down here in September and actually did some work on the house and for the first time saw the kids face to face. Since he walked out over 2 years ago. 

He didn't spend any real time with them . We offered him to stay for dinner etc . He was in a rush to leave . He could not seem to handle the noise . 

He drove a rental car down, stayed in a hotel and ate out. Yea sure he doesn't have money . He replaced a toilet too. And like that left after about 3 days. He never to this day has explained or apologized to the children . And the visit made them act worse .

He has an iPad and a smart phone yet still doesn't FaceTime with the kids ever. I have no idea what he does up on ga. 

My photography business has increased some . But not enough to pay the bills. I know I do too many freebies which I don't mind because I want others to have photos of their family . My kids get mad when I do that. I've been repaid a lot and definitely need to raise my fees for the time I spend with families and hours upon hours editing . 

I am most in need of prayers . I feel my once close family slipping away . A few of them seem to not be as strong in their faith if at all honestly and its breaking my heart. The anger and lack of compassion makes me cry . And it rubs off on the youngest . 

We are days away from Christmas and I have been txt their dad asking for help and money . He clearly reads th text and doesn't reply ( he either has an iPhone or iPad and it tells me when he read it)  If not for the extreme generosity of a few people I wouldn't have food in the house . I was given Amazon gift cards and just tonight ordered a few things for the kids . 

I hate the commercialism of Christmas so much . The kids know it's Jesus birthday but the littles have gotten sucked into the Santa hype . Not by me for sure. It's everywhere . 

I took two of the kids to target tonight because they were sent each 30 dollars from  another family member in ga . So they wanted to buy their siblings each a gift . There was a couple checking out in front of me with a cart full of toys and spent almost 600 dollars ! I had to hold back tears because I can not imagine being able to drop money like that. It was not jealousy or anything just sadness for my my kids. 

Ethan has gown so much I can't keep up . He found a pair of his dad's hiking boots and that's all he has for mass. I can't even buy my son dress shoes for mass and he altar serves. 

I just do not understand how their dad can live with himself . He knows good and well how bad things are yet he doesn't respond or help . He had the nerve to txt once day asking what do I do with the va money . He clearly has no idea what it takes to run a family . And believe me I'm frugal .

I know there are others far worse off than we are no I am so thankful for the home I live in . But it would be nice not to go with out and my kids too . I cry a lot at night wondering what the future holds . 

Follow my daughter on her adventure in Italy

For anyone that would like to follow my daughter is in italy and has a blog : http://dehvino.blogspot.com/2014/09/how-i-got-here.html

Blogging

I am not sure if anyone still reads my blog . I sort of took a break from blogging here I guess because I seemed to be so repetitive. I also seem to post a lot of photos on facebook that basically tell my stories in photos and. Or so much in words . Things are basically the same as far as life as a solo mom goes . 

I will be working on more posts soon and updates . If anyone is interested , so please leave. A comment below if you still follow us. 

My new doula website

I created a new website for my doula business! I need to work on it some more but I have been SO busy with births, photo shoots and being a homeschool mom!

Here is the link :www.gracefulbeginningsdoulaservices.com

A memorial the day before Mother's Day

Today I attended a memorial for woman named "Jeanie " the mother of one of my homeschool momma's . I had only met her once just recently right after she learned she had stage 4 Colon cancer . It was an aggressive cancer. Like many cancers showed no mercy .

She had three beautiful daughters of her own . She was only 63 both her parents in their 90's are still living . I listened to my friend Ashley sing a solo while,playing the guitar a song she wrote just for her . The title was 'mommy' there wasn't a dry eye . Her voice like an angel singing her song for her mother . The lyrics were so touching . I listened to the family speak about her . She was such an amazing woman . An artist as well such beautiful art .

The photos in the slide of course struct me as a photographer as it told the story of this beautiful woman . She loved her children deeply and it showed in every photo . She even had what appeared to be hand made baby carriers like a mei tei of today she wore her babies or was holding them in every one . Such a giving compassionate person she was. 

My heart hurt for her children and grand children . She went so quickly . 

Like my mother in law ( her ovarian cancer was diagnosed a month before she died ) my father in law passed away in less than 6 months from his stage 4 lung cancer . 

I sat there remembering my friend Patty whom passed away July 11, 2011 . She fought her cancer 5 years . Leaving 4 beautiful young children . I still miss her deeply. I think about her often and every time I go into our local health food store . 

It was a sad day for many yet this woman suffers no more and is with God . I sat there thinking how sad it is my mother is alive but barely speaks to me . And I do try I even sent a Mother's Day card . I sadly don't have many fond memories of my parents not like what I heard and saw today . I don't feel,the love that this woman obviously had for her children from my mother . It's really sad .

I sat thinking I hope my own children know how much I love them all . They are my life my world . My reason for living . They get mad at me a lot lately . Teens are hard so I let it go hoping and praying they will realize . I have done everything I do for them to keep,them close to me to protect them from this sometimes ugly cruel world . But they for the most part do not see that , yet . 

Tomorrow is Mother's Day . I have so many friends whose mothers have passed away . So many mothers that never held their child . Or lost a child too soon . 

We all need to love one another every single day . Show compassion every day . We are not promised tomorrow we have to live for today and live everyday like there is no tomorrow because any one of us could die in an instant . Words left unspoken . Grudges held . Regrets . If your mother is alive call her tell her you love her . Simple words with huge meaning . 

Felicity Agnes First Holy Communion

Felicity received her First Holy Communion on Sunday May 4! She has waited for this day since she was a baby. When I would go up to receive communion she would be in the sling and reach out and get mad when she could not also 'get jeeessus' as she would say....

Yes I cried. I took photos as best I could during mass, but did not get a good one of HER. I was so upset but managed to capture a few others.

We went over to the Shrine of Our Lady of La Leche for her photo shoot after (also because I took photos of sweet friend's baby baptism in the chapel)

Her veil was custom made for me by a friend of mine's mom. She is a famous bridal veil creator and her wedding veils are in top magazines! Here is a link to her website: http://www.beatricecouturedesigns.com/ they are the sweetest people. And I got to watch her make it. The dress her three older sisters wore. She wore PINK glitter Tom's as her shoes. Yes I know not traditional shoes but practical :)

Here is the link to the photos I took at the First Communion:  http://lisaolschewskephotography.com/firstcommunion2014

And here is a link to photos of Felicity I took at the Shrine: http://lisaolschewskephotography.com/felicityfirstcommunion

Here a two :

Five years of Sebastian

Sebastian is five years old today . Hope this link works . It is a slideshow from his birth onward . 

Click this link to view the slide show

Good Friday, and another vent

I come here to blog and ask for your prayers, again. This Lent has been one of much offering up for us. I can only pray it will get better. The usual issues as before , the military has not paid Ryan's INCAP for 3 months. I have done all I can emailing calling his SFC and FINALLY reached him yesterday.
I had been emailed last week saying the INCAP pay was submitted. However I was told otherwise.
The original issue before was partly ryan not as usual getting paperwork in on time. And also his unit moved and did not update him.
And the big reason, the head person for the NG state finance suddenly died last month. Why yes this is tragic and I pray for her family. I am really upset and shocked the florida ng did not have a back up plan. SO I waited for the transition. ONly to be told yesterday that the guy that took over ryans case wants to review ALL three months of the documents before he submits it. His SFC told him that I NEED that pay. SO it looks like we wont be getting pay until early May (if I am lucky) so in the mean time try telling utility companies that you can not pay. Not to mention I have 5 bucks to my name!
I have had a few doula clients, but not all pay on time and ask for me to let them pay half etc. And me being the giving person I am , I do  allow it. However my teens (one in particular ) are mad at me. They think I do much for free or low cost. I do free photo shoots (or extra at births) spending hours editing. I know I need to run my business like a business I guess. Sigh, I just want to "do unto others" and 'Love one another" as God asks.
 It is Easter Sunday soon and for the first time ever as a mother I will not have Easter baskets for my kids let alone new Easter clothes Yea I know that is not as big a deal as the fact I can not buy groceries either.

I feel like I am stupid . I go around telling everyone , Trust, it will be ok , God has and will provide for us. Tonight I am lacking that trust, Lord forgive me. I am tired of living like this. My kids are so sick of this 'lifestyle' of me rationing out food. They ask me daily why? I tell them we have it WAY better than many others in this world. But telling your teens that well it does not get a great response. Plus my van is leaking oil, the front tires need replacing again because it is out of alignment again and my ABS brake light is on.

I watched The Passion of Christ tonight as I try to every Good Friday to remind me that MY suffering is NOTHING compared to Jesus, and to the Blessed Mother watching her son be beaten and scurged  ...But I am human, I am a mother. That just wants to be able to give her kids simple things that I can not.

Dear Lord what do you want me to do with my life?

Tatiana's Confirmation

Tatiana received the Sacrament of Confirmation this past Sunday, March 23.

                                                 

                                           It was raining so they had to line up in the chapel...

                                                   

                                                    Ethan was altar serving

                                                 


                                              This moment was so sweet, yet I thought tatiana would faint. She hates being in front of crowds. I had a feeling she would be called up by the Bishop. His Homily was about purity. As many know the candidates have to write the Bishop letters. Well Tatiana's letter was the first he read from.
 He shared that her Saint was Saint Agnes. That she chose her because it was her deceased grandmother's name and that she admired St Agnes because of her purity and that she would die for her faith. He said more but that is about all. He shared some from these other candidates also. But I feel strongly his homily was based around her letter. It was a shock really.

                                                      Ansely, her sister , was whom she chose as her sponsor.

                                                       We had a few of our homeschool friends over for a little party. I was so happy they came to her confirmation. You see tatiana really disliked the 'required' classes. She was the only homeschooled teen so she felt she was ignored .

Lent 2014 & update

Well it has been several months since I have really posted a long update . I guess  I just want to forget everything and focus on being a good homeschool mom while trying to financially support my family with my doula "service" and my photography . 

Back up to December ( Christmas) I get a txt from Ryan that he is coming down and is going to build the kids a wooden play set . Something he promised them years ago. I was shocked and talked to the older kids and they decided themselves they didn't want to see him . I tried to discourage him for doing it. And told him he couldn't just show up and stay here. He said he wouldn't . Then all of a sudden we came home from Mass the Sunday before Christmas and his truck was in the driveway. 

So we left and I took the kids to the zoo . I had to keep them busy about three days away from the house . We lived in stress. All along I was like wow he can not send money yet. claims to have none yet shows up to build a wood play set, stay in a hotel and the gas money used to drive down. 

On the third afternoon the kids were sick of being run out of their home. I cam home went thru the garage . I told them not to say anything to Sebastian because he was little . And if Sebastian saw him thru the window and asked to go out and see "daddy" I would take him . I told the kids it was their decisions if they went outside too see their dad. 

I saw him thru the window and he had put on a lot of weight, had a full beard too.  Sebastian went to the back door and saw him. 

Sebastian said " who is that worker guy and what is he doing ?" 

It was sad . Then he asked to nurse in bed and fell asleep . Ryan finished his project and left . He never knocked on the door the kids didn't go outside . 

Yes it is rather nice to have a playset for the kids . I am worried about some things on it . I looked it over and there are some screws missing . The littles climb up but have a hard time getting down . 

The past few months have  been so hard still . We just got military pay for December ! But let me back up . Back in December the state went after Ryan for children support . He didn't come to that hearing before the judge. But called the judge and told him he was a wounded vet and did not work . The  judge set child support at minimum wage for 5 of the 6 children. And believe me it is a ridiculous amount . I should have spoke up but I didn't .

I filed the joint tax return like I always do in January . Got it all done and e filed . Only to learn that the irs intercepted the tax return due to him owing child support . Yet they auto deposited a portion of it. I was depending on that tax return to take care of the kids . Long story short.... It will not be released until August !!! And the child support is taking the amount out of his incap pay but still has not dispersed it to me! Insanity ! I never heard from them so I researched and found out I needed an acct. on line . So I set it up in February . Still as of today not a dime! So once again I am struggling to feed the kids . I am so disgusted with the govt and the system in place . It is not helping my situation . I basically began Lent with al this news . So I guess I am suppose to keep offering this up as a my  Lenten sacrifice . But I don't feel God wants me and my children to go hungry . 

I covet your prayers desperately . I am " working" doing what I am good at. My photography and my doula services. But I seem to be doing more freebies than anything lately . Which in  a few situations I really don't mind. I am learning a lot about running a doula business ....but that is more of a doula blog post .

Ash Wednesday 

Ever "Ruin" someone's day breastfeeding in public ?

If you are easily offended by breastfeeding do not watch. If you have ever been looked at rudely or had someone make rude comments about you nursing in public you will laugh at this funny cute video. Everyone that knows me knows I nurse my children in public proudly. With out a cover or shawl. Breastfeeding is natural, breastfeeding is not sexual. We are nurturing our children at the breast. Remember "to the pure all is pure". I can remember with my first born retreating and hiding on a toilet to nurse her! I was terrified to nurse in public because of others.

Two moms use their sense of humor and breastfeeding experiences as inspiration for this fun and quirky music video by Sparrow Folk called “Ruin Your Day.”

The band is made up of Australian performers Juliet Moody (Lark) and Catherine Crowley (Fox), who have been featured at various festivals and events and just released their first CD last month.

With lines like “When I’m out getting a bite to eat, meeting people on the street, I’m always thinking to myself, ‘Would you like to see them?’” and “I’m not going to retreat to the comfort of a toilet seat,” these women cleverly spin realistic situations into something people (especially moms!) can appreciate and laugh at.

The video begins in a crowded café with one of the women singing about her new ego now that her “assets” have grown and, suddenly, the tempo quickens and the woman disrobes—don’t worry, she covers her assets with a ukulele. She continues her public scene in front of shocked customers and well, you really have to watch the video to fully appreciate the lyrics and the message.

Take a look at the music video below!

Christmas 2013

So sad to see Our Christmas season officially end yesterday on the Feast of the Baptism of Our Lord . However traditionally it is celebrated through Feb 2 on the Presentation of Our Lord. I had to take the tree down last week sadly because it was a fire hazard the needles were literally falling off by limbs. My nativity will stay out though. I have not posted much lately and do have much to say....Here are photos from our December photo shoot for those not on facebook. Here is a link to my online website the resolution is MUCH better. http://lisaolschewskephotography.com/lisao

                                                      Is that SNOW? In Florida

                                                  Tatiana and Ethan served at midnight mass

Yes I took Sebastian to Midnight mass. She slept and nursed in my arms. I was so happy he cooperated.

My big kids took up the gifts

Jesus is Born! My Nativity Mary Hold Jesus

My kids got me this for Christmas