Blessings this week

First I want to thank you all that have blessed my family with prayers . I feel them . God always provides miracles for me and the kids . I have had a friend show up with a bunch of groceries . A few doula clients pay me more than I wanted from them . I had one friend at church slip me a check after mass that totally caught me off guard . I was so shocked by their generosity . With out all of you I don't know what I would Do. Thank you so so much . You know whom you are . Know I pray for you all and I am offering up my suffering for whomever is in need .

I never heard from Ryan after he hung up on my Saturday . Until Wednesday afternoon . He left a message that the VA papers should be in his sergeants office by 3pm Thursday . I didn't talk to him because I am so hurt and disgusted by his continued selfishness. 

So today I called his SSG in his unit . He called back to tell me the package had indeed arrived . Via USPS priority . It was sent on June 17, the day before . The cost paid to ship was 19 something bucks . 

I was so angry and upset . Because for weeks he said he had sent the required papers . He even told me

He resent them last week and they should be there by this past Monday . 

I just do not understand . He knows that this is why the NG has frozen Incap pay . It's his fault that me and the children go without . I'm laying here still in shock . I'm so stupid to keep praying he will snap out of this . I'm sorry I refuse to believe anymore that PTSD and a TBI can cause him to be so disconnected and mean . 

Honestly looking back for years he has been selfish . I'm reminded of my pregnancy with Sebastian how I went without proper food while I caught him eating out . Heck my midwife then knew how he treated me . 

I feel it's time to do what I don't believe in . File for a divorce. But it's so hard to do. And it's so expensive . I still need your prayers .