Surviving a house fire

I want to attempt to update everyone that has been so kind to ask. I also want to say thank you to all of you that are praying, that have sent help and meals . Without prayers I don't feel I could deal with this latest blow. 

Last Tuesday evening ( eve before St Sebastian which I have more thoughts on that ) our house caught fire out side of my bedroom /bathroom / closet.  

It was around 11 pm , Sebastian was coloring in the floor and went to brush his teeth . My bathroom door had been closed because it is a cold room ( fake glass bathroom squares over tub) I also rarely turn heat on . I smelled wax . I can't not recall whom saw the orange light first Sebastian (6) said he did. But I saw it and thought it was my neighbors house so I ran out side to look . As soon as I saw the side of my house was engulfed in flames , I ran in my cell calling 911 and yelling to get kids out of the house , a few were sleeping already . Felicity And Sebastian got in my van ( in garage) I back van out ( I knew fire fighters would need it out ) I parked it across the street . Dehvin moved her jeep too . I ran back in to get cats ,Ethan grabbed the ferret , the cats were running under beds. I grabbed what I could from my closet as I keep doula bags and camera ( and many things ) put it in the van. St Augustine beach police arrived he had extinguisher , Ethan and I got water hose on , my neighbor vinyl siding had already melted it was so hot. I ran to her door to wake her also and her visiting hearing impaired sil . 

St. John's county fire rescue arrived we got out of the way. 

Dehvin was with the kids in van, yes they were crying . 

It was very cold I was in work out pants and a shirt . The police officer gave me his coat . 

 *We were questioned and during this time we realized the cause . I ONLY share this to help someone else in the future , it was an accident but my son had cleaned out the fire place ashes he said but that there were no coals . Apparently he had placed some ashes in a bag and placed the bag in the garage :( . This was around 3 pm before soccer practice. I normally clean it and put out side later use in garden . 

By 3 am I was allowed back in to gather some items lucky I had some clothes in. My bathroom . I gathered whAt could . Each of us had a bag. 

The fire dept doing its job had used an ax in the ceiling of my closet and shower checking for fire in the attic however busted the main water pipe . So my closet and bathroom were flooded. 

Thursday the adjusters came . I feel I need to share this because of the questions I Have been asked many times regarding insurance . It is a special situation , but I have lived in this house 5 years . The homeowner was a kind lady her husband help start USAA . After my husband left us due to his severe PTSd and Tbi from the deployment ( we are still legally married but he has no involvement ) anyway Elinor wanted to donate the house to my church but they couldn't handle it so the k of c got alpha omega involved to take ownership but I was suppose to get a lifetime deed to the house . It didn't play out that way . So I have been paying a type of rent that was for HOA/taxes / insurance . and escrow . I never asked them to do a thing I fix things I painted myself I treated it as my house . Garden, trees etc .

I never got renters insurance since I thought the insurance I was paying toward covered my belongings. Besides living on an island usaa doesn't have flood insurance for Florida .

I learned Thursday that " my belongings are not covered because I am a tenant" I was already very distraught and this just hit me hard . I was told until Adjuster took photos I couldn't removed my stuff from the closet . 

I finally removed everything last two days . I knew the bins in the back had water in them . Baby memories , old slings , books etc . Clothes with smoke water and insulation . I share with Felicity And Sebastian . My dressers are still in the room full of clothes I just need to wash them . I had to throw out half of my clothes today I don't own a lot anyway but I have salvaged some skirts , a pair of jeans etc .  So I'm not totally without . I have way more than many I know that are homeless . 

I did save my packed doula bag and camera . However my camera needs to be looked at its malfunctioning . I am a professional photographer also that doulaing is how I supper my family .  

I did spend two nights in a hotel but I am now in a very generous friend's home off the island ( can for a few weeks ) but drive back and forth to feed pets and walk dog . 

Currently waiting on other bids so insurance can get this rebuilding going . They need to redo my room closet and bathroom . At this time I don't know if insurance will allow me to live there during construction . I hope after the pros do the smoke cleaning I can . The house has no power . Water was just turned back on since repair for that was done . 

I am very thankful we got out Alive . I suffered smoke inhalation and was already very sensitive to smoke . I still can not talk so I whisper and I am coughing but I am not sick with a cold I am not sure why I am still . 

I will attempt to post some videos and pics 

This is outside of my bathroom and closet 

Ansely's Graduation Speech, Class of 2015

Ansely graduated in June . This is her graduation speech. IT was beautiful. Hope you can hear it. Congratulations Ansely and the Class of 2015

My speech to my daughter at her graduation

Ansely officially graduated High School in June. This is a video from the Recognition day . While I do not have issues with public speaking,this was so difficult and yes I cried. It is hard to hear as a friend was using my  phone . 

Congratulations Ansely ! Class of 2015 

In Loving memory of My babies

I sit here  remembering that tonight, April 20, 2004 I was in the early phase of what I thought was a miscarriage. I was about 11 weeks from conception. I knew from charting. I had seen a local pro life GYN and had a confirmed uterine pregnancy.I had went to see her because I had a lot of off and bleeding and finally had a Positive pregnancy test. She confirmed it was a uterine pregnancy.

The night of April 20 into the 21st is a blur to me.I remember nursing ethan to sleep and all his toddler antics and how I felt him lightly kick my right side near my hip. I remember feeling something odd, like a pop.  I remember bleeding and telling Ryan to keep an eye on me that I think I am losing our baby.I remember my right shoulder tip hurting . I remember getting up and down and going the toilet Because of the intense pain. I remember cold water falling on me, I remember being in the bedroom floor and ryan trying to get me up.I had passed out in the bedroom floor and apparently my glass of water fell on me.  

The next morning still feeling a mess and not feeling right.I thought I had miscarried. I went in to see my holistic dr . She  thought I was having a gall bladder attack. She had told me to go to Northside Hospital which was over an hour or more away because we were in N ga.

I wanted to go home first and feed the children. But my husband  insisted we go now. So he drove me to the hospital.

I walked into the ER, telling them I thought I was having a gall bladder attack but had miscarried also. I was checked and recall them saying something about a rupture. They had offered me morphine but I refused and said I would keep doing my breathing. An ultrasound revealed that I had an ectopic rupture. I was bleeding out into my abdominal area which was why I was feeling the intense pain under my diaphram. I did not know at the time how serious it was. Later I was told I almost died. All I remember is I nursed Ethan and they wanted me in surgery but I was crying I could not leave him cause he needed to nurse to sleep...The last sound I remembered was hearing Ethan crying for me as I was being rushed away to surgery. 

I am thankful that Ryan listened to that voice which I know was God that told him to get me to the hospital. The dr said if we had waited I would have died...

I never named my babies and this is something I am praying about...I also have 3 other babies in heaven I lost thru miscarriage, One was in October 1993, One was in July 1994, and another in March 1999. My husband and his family were not very supportive of my losses so I kept it all tucked inside. It has been 11 years since my last loss. And time does heal. But I have never forgotten and wonder what they would be like. But I also ponder that I may not have the children I have now. 

 I think once I became Catholic and gained more knowledge of NFP I realized I should indeed be following my heart and talking and sharing about my babies. The comfort I do feel is I have succeeded with at least 5 of my children in getting them to heaven. And I can ask my little Saints to pray for me and their siblings here. Lord knows I need all the prayers I can get. 

I have the laproscopic  photos still and can see my little baby in the ruptured tube...a few weeks later I saw the dr whom said I had a uterine pregnancy she said I must have had a twin pregnancy and miscarried one and suffered the rupture . I pulled them out of my shadow box to share . IT may look like nothing to some but I can see my baby .

 Morning Light Ministries sent me all these beautiful items to honor our baby. I highly encourage anyone who has suffered any loss to check them out. It is good for all beliefs, Catholic or otherwise. We just celebrated Divine Mercy Sunday and as I looked at the medal that were sent to me in honor of my babies I realized it was a Divine Mercy Medal. The back reads "I Trust In You" SO SO profound looking back.

This year, 2015 marks 11 years since THIS loss. Last year I was by a friend's side as her baby girl Paisley was born at 19 weeks, without her heart beating. Her blog is here http://angelsremembered.blogspot.com/?m=1   please go read her story. She has 5 children in heaven .
 Her story was also just blogged on another popular blog here http://allamericanmom.net/lets-show-love-to-all-moms-this-mothers-dayeven-the-ones-who-have-miscarried-their-babies-honorallmoms/
a MUST read. A photo I took of Paisley's  tiny hand  with her mommy and daddy's finger is shown.  This mother is working on pushing a campaign for Mother's Day ,  #HonorAllMoms #Mother’s Day . 

Stations of the Cross

Tonight we went to the weekly Lent Stations of the Cross . Ethan is in the red plaid . And ️Felicity has taken to reading amazingly ! I always cry during the stations thinking of how Mary must have felt seeing her son . Our cathedral is still being renovated so we were at St benedicts the moor. It reminds me of the smallness of the baptist church I grew up in. It is a beautiful parish.

Lenten thoughts 2015

 Some signs of Lent in my house . 

 In conversation with God is one of my favorites .

Sebastián's face as he looked at himself in my phone aka mirror 

Me and half of My children , the others are going to noon liturgy 

       

Marked for Salvation (from Magnificat )

  

 

At the beginning of Dante's Purgatorio, the Pilgrim discovers seven Ps scratched across his brow─one for each of the seven deadly sins (peccati). Through his laborious climb up the seven-storied mountain, one by one, the P's are wiped away. It is the image of a soul saved, but still struggling free of sin's sevenfold lack of love. 

     Lent charts us on a laborious course up a similar Mount Purgatory. And at the base today we too find our faces begrimed. Our ashes make public confession that we stand stained by our wicked deeds. We have earned the dusty death wage of sin. Yet, like the guilty Cain, who received a mysterious mark from the hand of the Lord, this sign we wear is also God's seal of protection (cf. Gn 4:15). We are branded today with the sign of the cross, as sheep of the Lord's own pasture, so that the devil (who would make on us his own mark of the beast) will know to keep his thieving hands off. The sign of the death due for our sins thus becomes the emblem of hope─if we believe in the cross and repent in dust and ashes. Ezekiel foresaw this mystery in vision when he saw the saved, who grieve over the sins of Jerusalem, having an X written upon their brow (Ez 9:4).

 

Reflection based on Matthew 6:1-6, 16-18

  Father Anthony Giambrone, O.P.

  

Heavenly Father, may the indelible mark of the cross sealed

upon me at Baptism be engraved more deeply upon my heart.

May my penance this Lent help put 

Today's suggested penance: 

Spend fifteen minutes or more praying the holy name of Jesus.

  

 

May God fill your Lent with his presence 

and lead you to a renewed experience of his love.