Catch up time

I realize I have been quiet lately. I guess I tend to post more on Facebook. But even there I do not share much. I had a very busy December and was blessed to attend 3 births as a doula. It was hard leaving my nursling for over 12 hours or more. But I do enjoy being a part of a new moms journey.

Not much as changed with Ryan. He is still in GA. He seems basically the same. I have many tough decisions to make . One being if I file for a divorce. I have been to see a priest and tells me not to make decisions in anger and to do it for what is best for the children. I feel I have no choice because I need to make sure if he is getting disability or any income (though he states he is not working) I need to make sure he supports us financially. Since he left I make sure the paperwork gets in for INCAP pay. But I know that will not last forever. And that some sort of military disability will have to kick in.
 I am looking into going to some sort of school. I am thinking about massage therapy school . I can use it with my doula clients. Also I can look in applied kinesiology.
My difficult issue is what to do about my children. I have no family. No one besides my teens to help. And that is a huge struggle I face. While they help a lot at home I feel terrible. And they will not be here for many more years. I am still homeschooling though I have thought many times about enrolling felicity and ethan into catholic school. Ethan has been really difficult lately. I am not sure if its the situation or that he is a 10 yo boy. I have asked for help from local homeschool familes. But as I havw wrote before no one will come forward and help me with him. I have asked saying I need a dad to spend time with him or let him be with other homeschooled boys.

 I feel lately like no one cares or wants to hear my problems. Many I guess want to "protect" their family from hearing about our difficulties. I understand to a point. But one of my girls said that some of those kids will not be able to deal with college life. I have sheltered my children a lot and I respect that others do. My kids are not awful. They need caring friends and we sadly do not have much of that here anymore , one or two and one is moving away . Many people do not like Facebook. But Facebook has put me in touch with other catholics (and homeschoolers) across the world. It saddens me because though I grew up in GA and do not want to to go back. The catholic homeschool community is so much kinder and caring. Which is the ONE reason i miss it. The families there care. Sometimes I just want to pick up and move away to another place. Another country.