"Letter to your future spouse"

I thought it would be a good idea to post a outline of a idea that we first learned about several years ago. IT is something I wish I knew about and had done. I know my oldest has done this....It is a "Letter to your future Spouse" (husband or wife).
I pray as often as I think of (should be everyday I know) for the future spouses of my children (if they are called to married life).

At the end is information on how to order a brochure if you want to tuck one away for your little ones..

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND


by Mary Beth Bonacci


Even though I don't know exactly who you'll be yet, I think of you often.



I wonder how you're living your life now. It matters to me, you know,



because how you live your life now determines the kind of man you're



becomin...and the kind of man I'll spend the rest of my life with.







Apparently, for some bizarre reason, manhood doesn't come automatically



for males. Some guys seem to spend their entire lives trying to "prove



their manhood"--by hunting, playing sports, driving fast...and,



unfortunately, by having sex. It seems rather strange to us women that



guys think having sex proves you're a man. To us, it just proves that



they've reached puberty. And we don't really consider that, in itself, to



be any great accomplishment. Becoming a man is a much more complicated



process.







The funny thing is, even in this day and age, most guys want to marry a



girl who respects her sexuality. A guy doesn't like the idea of his future



wife in the back seat with someone else, or of her being the subject of a



sexual conquest story in the locker room. They'll brag about girls like



that, but they won't marry them. They want to marry a girl, whether she's



never "done it" or done it and regretted it, who recognizes that sex



speaks the language of forever, committed love...someone like me.







But why would I want to marry someone like that...someone who wants to



marry a virgin, but spends his dating years robbing other girls of their



virginity so that he can prove his manhood? He's not a "real man" in my



eyes--he's a selfish, immature boy driven by insecurity, not love. And I'm



not interested.







I want more from you. I want you to respect your sexuality as much as I



respect mine. I want you to be a real, confident man, not a wimp who has



to use women to feed his insecurity. A guy like that couldn't use all of



those women, and then suddenly love me. He may be "good" in bed, but he's



no good at loving.







I want you to learn to really love. Learning to love is learning to put



the other first. A guy who messes around outside of marriage isn't putting



the good of the other first. He's using a girl...speaking the "body



language" of permanent commitment when the relationship isn't permanent.



He's putting the girl at risk of pregnancy. And he's putting himself at



risk for some nasty diseases...diseases he can then later give his wife.



That's not making love. A real man loves women--all women--and wants



what's best for them. And he doesn't let his desires control his actions.



He controls his desires instead.







I want you to develop self-control. That's important to me. I don't want



to marry a man who can't control himself. Men like that make lousy



husbands. A guy who isn't used to saying "no" to sex isn't going to be any



better at it at 40 than he is at 18. I've seen women who worry every time



their husbands hire an attractive secretary. I don't want that. What kind



of marriage could I have with someone I couldn't even trust on a business



trip?







In the short run, I'm sure there aren't too many rewards for a guy living



this way. Society tells you that you're missing out on your "sexual peak."



Your silence during the locker room bragging sessions can seem deafening.



You may have even heard from the girls you date that something must be



"wrong" with you because you won't prove you're a man. It's just



irritating that no one else seems to know it, isn't it?







But somebody does know it. I know it. And in the end, I'm the only someone



who matters.







And no, I'm not as narrowminded as those guys who say they'll only marry a



virgin. Society isn't too supportive of virginity, especially male



virginity. I can forgive mistakes in your past. But i'm interested in your



future, starting now. When I meet you, I want you to be a man who has made



a conscious decision to wait...out of love for our future family and



commitment to our marriage. And I want you to be a real man, who's



developed the control maturity and unselfishness that waiting brings. They



may not be popular traits in the locker room, but they're popular with me.



They'll make you a better husband, and a better father. To me, that's sexy.







I've abstained from sex all of these years, and it hasn't been for the



lack of offers. I've had plenty of opportunities, and saying "no" hasn't



always been easy. I'm sure it's not always easy for you, either. But it



will make our marriage so much stronger. Sex will be our gift to each



other, our exclusive "language." It'll belong to us, not "us and everyone



else we ever dated."







Thanks for waiting for me. I promise you won't regret it.




{Written by Mary Beth Bonacci
To order this brochure, write VOICE Campus Outreach, P.O. Box 1350,
Stafford, VA 22555 or call at (703) 659-4171. The cost is .30 per copy or
$20.00 per 100}