Distance

Yea I'm falling behind again on blogging. I'm very overwhelmed . Not much has changed with Ryan , he is at the VA facility undergoing the PTSD treatments. He has become even more distant if that's even possible. We have had several txt fights. He still won't talk much. My biggest thing was that he isn't talking to the kids and i felt the little kids needed to. Though the kids sadly don't even ask about him anymore.
Is hard to know or understand How a father could not seem to care about his family. I read that's how PTSD and a TBI is. But yet I find myself feeling somewhere deep down he should be able to want to care. I'm such a intuitive mom I don't think I could ever be so distant to my children. I have pulled myself out of what I think was depression when he first deployed Because I had to be ok for my kids because I am the only family they have. No grandparents .
I'm still working on a job . Locally as it is everywhere good jobs are just not here. So I'm finishing Up with my certifying births to be a Dona doula. In going to a birth assistant training in a few weeks . I hope to be assisting a local homebirth midwife .
However I am very scared about money. So I have been looking for a job but have not found one. I found a few openings at our diocese but a requirement is a bachelors degree. Sadly I never went to college. So I'm in trouble it seems .
I'm trying so so hard to trust God has a plan. But maybe part if that plan is me doing what I don't want to....leaving my children..to work out of the home.