Update, and Jobless

It has been a long emotional week. I find myself coming to my blog unsure of what to write. Not that I do not have much to say I have so much I could say.
A year ago this week Ryan was returning from Iraq . We were all so happy he was coming home. Today I find myself not wanting him back here. As I posted lately things have been awful. He came back from Kansas after the job he left for in October fell they or whatever really happened. He did have the offer to work on the steel framing crew and earn the same great pay. But he basically got PO (his words) and said no and left.
I told him to go to Adoration and ask God what he should do. But like before he did not. He took the job even though I cried and begged him not to because my instincts were it was wrong. He calls asking what he should do and I told him to pray about it.

So now I sit here nursing and blogging from my phone because he is on the computer looking for a job. The job he had at the dr office is not available so he says...
I am trying very hard not to bash him he is my husband but I need to state the truth . Having him back should be a happy time . It's advent ! But the past few days have been filled with stress and anger. I bite my tongue a lot and offer it up. But I can't sit silently all the time . It's just not me.
God reveals a lot to me when I least expect it. Like the other day his back pack was in the closet open the baby had pulled some papers out. I went to put them back but I read it was from a bank . He had opened a checking account in Kansas. It was done secretly . I won't blog details . But he had recently lied to me about his pay and turned out he had as I had worried had some of his pay deposited into that account. He has spent a lot of money and I don't know where. I know by his big weight gain he has been eating out a lot.
This constant dishonestly and lack of respect are just so hurtful. To have your husband act and treat you as he does is so numbing. There is no trust. I can't talk to him . He is like Jekyll and Hyde. I had called the va again left. Long message with his TBI liaison and she never called me back.
I have tried to get him help . The system fails. And I know I'm not alone. This is one reason I blog about all our issues in hope of helping others in my situation. I feel very alone. Yea I pray I know God is there but sometimes you need to talk to a person face to face. .
I love the friends I have but I feel they are tired of hearing my ongoing struggles. That and they are busy with their families . So I pretty much am on my own , with God and my children.