Update Time...looking at my Blessings

I guess I should update you all on what has been going on. A few weeks ago I got in touch with our local congressman's office, John Mica. I basically sat down with the lady that works for him and explained my situation and how the disability claim that started June 2011 has been taking so long, how they sent the paperwork to an office in St Louis. How the VSO could not really tell me how or why this happened. Then the paperwork was sent to St Petersburg. Where it is still sitting. The congressional office has sent a request so they have 30 days to respond. Hopefully it will take less time.

 I am also learning more and more about how him being demobilzed to fast has caused so much trouble not just for my family. WHY? How come the PROPER paper work and procedure was not followed in Iraq? LOD? Not done over there for his injuries?Keep in mind he deployed with a different unit than he is attached to. All of this is still unfolding so I do not want to say to much. But I am in the process of contacting the local media. I do not want attention brought to me or my family however I feel I can ot remain silent. There have been SO many mistakes that have caused this mess we are in. So MANY soldiers and veterans need help. They are still not getting it either because they are afraid to or they do not know how and worse because the VA system is overwhelmed. Granted there are a few really great people at the VA that DO care. There is one lady who has be such a HUGE blessing to me. She has gone above and beyond what she is paid to. But she also says I am her friend. I hope to someday soon meet her in person and hug her.

I have put in a few applications for a job locally but have not heard from anyone. I am still trying very hard to trust that we will be ok and I will somehow be able to pay rent and bills.   But right now it is not looking so great. I have been very blessed and am so thankful to those that have helped me without me knowing who you are. And to those that I know...thank you. But I know I can not depend on others to keep helping.

We are approaching Holy Week. And Ryan *may* be released from the VA hospital because the 8 week PTSD program will be finished. However it doesnt mean he is ready to be released. I have talked to him very briefly. HE seems actually worse now than when he began the program. HE still hasnt really shared with me what exactly happened in Iraq. I know some but not enough. I am told this is how it is with them.The Dr that is working with him there is just not very caring or helpful, she has not kept me updated. WHen I call she is short with me telling me to 'google' things.HE is going thru "prolonged exposure therapy" I am not convinced this is the best treatment for him. I had a conference call with him and his dr last week and it was terrible. He was annoyed and aggitated. She basically said he cant tell me anything while he is in therapy...what ever.

 It is still a very raw issue for me. Being married to someone for over 20 years that you shared everything with all of sudden you do not know and doesnt share anything with you. But shares things with other veterans.....

He told me he stopped taking a med cold turkey. Because the VA would not change his meds there....The medication was apparently true to what all the warnings stated. So he has been even worse. I have talked with him about my concerns about him living here with us. He totally agreed he knew he could not be here all the time but wants to see us.. HE does not know what he is capable of. The issue is where can he safely stay? He cant be all alone, he cant live in a homeless shelter. HE needs help still. He is trying to get placed into another PTSD program in Miami that is longer and suppose to be much better. I honestly do not know what is best for him. This is all very sad and painful. At this time I do not feel I can share everything. Maybe down the road I can. The future is unknown. I am still feeling so very alone. I do not really have anyone to talk to, stilll never heard back from Military One source about our counciling, I am so sick of how NO ONE calls me back.. I am trying to find a way to accept things as they are, for now. I am trying to get help from some veteran services for rent etc....but have not heard back.

I took all of kids to our penance service this past week. Hoping I could get to talk to one of the many priests. AS I feared it turned into something so stressful. When it came time to go to the priest we chose, I had already said to God I was going to the priest that was in the "Mary corner" , Sebastian totallly lost it. HE has his moments when he does not want to be in the sling of course....Sohee mainly nurses in the sling. Well he began to SCREAM "NO NURSEY IN SLING" over and over. I was holding him in line while he screamed this. I was holding him trying to get him in the sling to nurse because at his age and size it is just easier. He will normally sit in the hip carry and nurse and honestly no one can see him. Not that I care. It is just easier...Well he just would not have it that way. Some very nice people let me go ahead of them. Ansely decided to just take him outside because he would not cooperate. So out she went thru the Cathedral with a screaming boy.....So much for a peaceful confession....

Lent has been a blur this year. I feel so terrible I have not taken my kids to a Stations of the Cross or even prayed a Rosary together. What is wrong with me?! I am struggling to deal with all of this. With Holy Week aproaching please keep my family in your prayers. We need a miracle.....Through it all I still look at my Blessings...my children. And the little things we have.

I am constantly reminded of one of my favorite songs, "Blessings" by Laura Story...Lyrics to "Blessings"