Finally help? Or not? Mixed feelings and Shock

So I guess I need to update what's been going on here . Though as usual I don't want to . I have come back and forth to my blog unsure what to say for several days. Do I tell all or some? I began blogging our life after deployment so I suppose I should continue to be honest. Though at this time can not write all we are going thru.

The past few weeks have been just awful. He was put on an
Antidepressant back in December . However I kept saying he seems worse . Of course no one listens to the spouse ...the patient always places blame on others or just doesn't see what he is doing or remember. Just when one thinks your getting somewhere bam it falls apart.
As was stated weeks ago the NG is working on something call mcap?? I am bad with acronyms in the military .
But it's the army's equivalent of work mans comp...like yea we are eventually going to 'pay you' for getting injured on active duty .And the disability process akes a LONG time. It's been a long process because as I'm learning you guessed it he was 'demobilized ' too quickly and his injuries were not properly documented. There was suppose to be this other acronym called an LOD done when he was deployed and suffered the injury from the IED blast to his big truck he drive on missions.

I have made a few of his psych apts . The dr seems ok. Of course they only advocate for the veteran . I DO get that . But who the heck advocates for the spouse and the children that are dead center in the middle suffering mostly in silence. I KNOW I am not living this hell alone . I'm just not so silent about it.
I won't get started on how Hippa plays a negative in all this!

I have sadly also learned he saw much more terrible things than he has told me . All he told me all along was he didn't see anything bad....but he did. Apparently one was being witness and first and only medic responder to a civilian blast.
Learning all this has been difficult . Yet forgive me I'm having a hard time being sympathetic. My mind goes back to times when I had panic attacks when I was pregnant and he would just laugh at me . His lack of caring and compassion since he enlisted is so hurtful . I'm normally the most compassionate person to others . I'm trying and praying for God's grace one this.
There has been so much damage so much hurt I don't know if our marriage can be saved. I feel numb. He is the father of our children but I don't know him anymore. He won't even talk to me. And I don't try either because I'm trying to avoid conflict.

He has supposedly applied for jobs...he disappears all day . I find him reading in his truck or at Barnes and noble. I just don't understand how a man and father can do this to his family. I keep hearing it's all a part of the issues. I have my doula work (though I had briefly put the certification on hold) Im faced with the possibility of working out side the home....Im not lazy at all, It is just I AM DOING MY JOB , motherhood is my vocation. Its hard enough now I can not imagine how much harder it will be when or if I take on another job...but right now something inside me says NO. your children NEED you...

We all walk on egg shells ...I don't leave him alone with the children. Because he falls asleep or reacts in ways that are to much.
There have been a few concerns the past few weeks . One is that he has dropped our 2 1/2 yo twice and he doesn't know why. I saw it once and it scared me because he Seemed confused when it happened. Keep in mind he wasn't trying to hurt the baby. It was like a loss of muscle control.

Then the latest huge event was that he punched (not a full force ) one of the children in the stomach . Thank God it didn't do any physical damage , emotional I'm sure sadly. I wasn't in the room when it happened I was in the shower. Apparently she put a note in his face and he immediately reacted with a punch... I made sure she was ok . Then questioned more like screamed at Ryan why he did that. His reply as he blankly looked through me "I don't know" he seriously didn't know why he reacted like that . He said he knew he should not have but didn't know why.

I of course lost it... He left and slept in his truck several nights.
I kept telling him he needed help. So at a recent dr appt at the VA he told his dr what happened....
I got a call from Ryan that child services would be calling me. Keep in mind I have been begging with the va telling them he needed help but was not taken seriously . Yet you guessed it they called child services immediately .yea i understand why but it should have never come to that.
They showed up at my house that afternoon! I was terrified yet I knew I had done nothing wrong . I don't even Spank!
They questioned me and the children. It took that sadly to get the VA in gear. They have been trying to get him into a impatient care facility for PTSD and TBI . But you guessed it it's full until march we are told. So that meant he couldn't be here and he knew it. So he has been sleeping in his truck.
I made sure the va knew this ! He did not need this he needed help!

I'm not sure what really occurred over the past few days but he came to get more things , our oldest was home and I had the others at a park. I arrived home for him to say goodbye.
He seemed dazed and confused and told me he was going into a inpatient mental facility locally. I was in shock.
After he left I learned from Dehvin (she got it out of him) that apparently he had been at a public market and someone touched his shoulder to tell him he dropped something and he turned to strike the guy . He realized he was a mess and went to the local VA for help. I do not know what else happened . I sadly feel he was probably suicidal I don't know.
Of course I called where he was to get the Hippa song and dance ! So I couldn't get any information about his care!
He finally called tonight briefly . It was his voice but he was clearly out of it. He said he was being heavily medicated etc. he is in a place for alcohol and drug rehab people , clearly not where he should be! He told me He has told the dr he wants to be moved to a VA facility. I feel helpless! He is in a place that isn't. What he needs! All because apparently the place or two he needs is full! This is so wrong in so many ways.

All I can do is pray pray pray and ask you all to pray.
I realize I have shared a lot of personal things in this post but I feel it needs to be said in case I can help another military wife that is silently suffering to seek help!

My heart and mind keep remembering this day almost a year ago....I was at Adoration and came out to see a rainbow like it was coming from the Great Cross. I thought this was my sign from God that everything would be ok......

Reality and trying to face the future

Like before with my updates of life with living with someone with PTSD and a TBI I find myself coming here then posting something else. I am trying so hard to keep my faith and be positive. Im having one of those difficult days. So feel free to not read what I feel today.
Last friday I went with ryan to a phsychology appt to see Dr Freund the one that wrote Taming the Fire Within. He has seen her one ot two times. But when he moved to Kansas that stopped. She seems pretty good and nice. Hearing her validate what I know made me feel so sad.Then to hear her go on and explain how he needs meds etc was difficult. Hearing her say it wont get better over night or even weeks just made me feel so sick. I still do not know what to think or say . I just want to wake up from all this crap and it be a bad dream . I want to go back a few years to when I felt loved by my husband. Before the deployment before AIT.
DR F explained things I knew already. I asked questions. But nothing helps. Im suppose to make my kids understand all this. I am suppose to tell kids that daddy feels this or that. I HAVE over and over. I explain to them as best I can. They still dont get it. I dont get it. I just want to shake him and say snap out of it! HE has been back for two weeks. Jobless, and slipping into a deeper depression. He does what he can around the house , I guess, having him here is honestly too much on me and the kids. Its MORE work. I cant leave the kids in his care. He sits around alot. Unmotivated and some of the kids follow that lead. It is downright depressing. But I can not allow my self to swim in self pitty. Yes I am exhausted, I nurse several times a night. I love sleeping with my baby. Dont think I dont. I still feel like i am a single parent. I envy my friends whose blogs I read about their loving supportive husbands that are the true spiritual leaders of the family . Who love their wives and children. Seeing pictures of the dads playing with their children make me sad. I am happy for them.
I am suppose to BE like them. We are suppose to be a happy loving attached catholic family. I want that back. We have been robbed. I do not feel I will ever get that back.

Depression really does hurt everyone. I use to laugh WITH ryan when we saw those depression ads. He would make fun of those people. I have given birth to 6 children. And never had Postpartum depression. I did however have panic attacks when I was pregnant with Sebastian but was not aware of it. I remember one night I was so upset and sick crying over the toilet about something ryan had done. I remember him standing over me saying I was pathetic and was doing this to myself. He was not very compassionate (keep in mind this was after he went thru basic)

 Sure after Sebastian it was touch and go and I will admit when he deployed I laid in bed a LOT...but I was also nursing a infant,,,after a few months I pulled myself out of it. I HAD to for my children. It was very hard. But I eat very healthy. I used homeopathics and lots of prayers.
But ryan is different . He does not care about anyone or anthing. He eats like crap. It is like he is hoping to die. He has started the meds...I was told willl take 4-6 weeks to see a difference....and that may not work. I   can not handle that much more. IT may take years...Yet he may never be the same. I live with a stranger. A moody one at that. I have said a few not so nice things to him Im not proud of that. Nothing like what he said to me whenI suffered panic attacks. But I am angry! I can not help it. Sadly that anger shows a LOT lately. I am trying very hard not to let it show. But I am faced with the fact I may have to find a job becasue he is not trying very hard IMO. I just dont know what to do anymore.

Sadly there are SO many soldiers and veterans just like he is. SCARY. No wonder the unemployment rate is so high in the US.

I think I will post a few pictures of before the deployment and now....see if you see the difference in him....

As you read my blog you may hear music from my playlist. The song Lead me by Sanctus Real is exactly how I feel. It has become MY theme song. google it or look on youtube at the video. I keep praying deep down i will get that happy ending....


This was after Christmas Eve Mass this year:

This was 2011

This was 2010

This was 2009 Just before he deployed

This was May 2008 when he graduated from BT. THis was the last time we felt connected as a family . Look at his face and eyes in each photo.

Update on Ryan's 'mystery' wounds

Well Ryan went the VA urgent care and saw a Dr. Who then sent him directly to a dermatologist. They did not know what the wounds on his legs were. So they biopsied them.
He got a call the other day and was told he has "allergic dermatitis" due to poor circulation...I looked at him and was like bullcrap! Are you kidding me?! He shrugged it off.
I think they are very wrong and so does he. I am unsure what to do right now. Much to ponder about. They did send him some cream for it...FULL of chemicals...Here are more pics of it....like before it changes almost daily....

Advent, being behind, catching up

Advent began on Sunday! As usual I am so behind on so much. My baby has been sick again with another resperatory illness...So of course I have been nursing and meeting his needs and NOT sleeping because poor baby coughs and wheezes...

I managed to get my large advent candles out..need to locate my wreath still..I also am trying really hard to make a Jesse Tree and have fell in love with this blog http://family-centered.com/living/ and this blog http://www.ebeth.typepad.com/serendipity/preparing-for-christmas.html they both have SUCH GREAT Advent ideas that go along with our homeschooling.  I have printed out the beautiful ornaments and hoping friday we will work on the jesse tree....I will post more with photos later...

Ryan has been here the past two weeks, which is why I have not blogged. It has been up and down. At first it was REALLY difficult since he was not use to the noise, and just having to be a father....lots of prayer and offering it up on my part....and biting my tongue. IT is very hard to remember he has a brain injury....Until I have to remind him over and over about certain things....or he has a outburst. His legs have been getting worse then better ....
A friend came by yesterday and said to me he does'nt make eye contact like he use to. Among other things....I am not sure how or what to do to help him with him now working/living in Kansas. All I can do is pray pray pray and give it to God. Please join me and pray for him during this Advent !

Another concern from the deployment, mysterious wounds

I have decided to post a few photos of Ryan's legs...Yes odd I suppose but I finally took a few photos for documentation. When he returned from Iraq December 2010 he came home with much more than I realized. At first he didnt tell me about the mysterious wounds on his legs. I notced them. But as days and months have passed they are still there but worse. As with his memory loss he seems to not recal the exact time it showed up. But knows it was last year in Iraq. I know when he came home on leave last July it was not there.....so it was after that.
I have reminded him many time to tell his VA Docs but he KEEPS forgetting.....and now he is working out of state....He is home this week for his drill time and I noticed some new wounds and he said another issue is his injuries (cuts etc) are NOT healing. He tells me it itches very bad and nothing helps.
HE has a deep cut he got working back in september and its still there...I have done some research briefly and have read this is increasingly more common with soldiers that were deployed to Iraq....I also mentioned at the VA clinic and  a man told me that soldiers deployed to iraq have been exposed to things we dont yet know! Similar to agent orange....
IF you are or know veteran from Iraq and have seen this sort of wound, etc....please leave a comment. I want to know. I am very worried about it among other things....
These wounds are on both legs...

More reality from other military spouses

I was reading thru on of my friend's blog post this morning, Heather, http://www.itstwinsanity.com/ ,she
 always makes me feel better even though she may not
know it. Her ability to "just keep swimming" thru the mess amazes me! I wish I were as strong as she is.

She linked this to her blog http://likeitfortime.com/2011/05/07/the-day-after/ its pretty much sums up how many of us military spouses feel.

In the coming months we will have over 40,000 soldiers returning home from deployments...Keep them and the families in prayer. Reach out and do something to help them. A hug, a card a word of encouragement. Many of us suffer in silence. Many of us blog and are as honest as we can be. But no one knows how hard it is until you live it.

Broken promises broken hearts

It's so hard seeing your children hurting and angry knowing there is nothing you can do . Knowing the thing they need won't or can't be there.
Since Ryan took he job in Kansas this past month the children have been sad and angry.
He has become more and more distant . Hardly answers his phones let alone my txt messages . I rarely talk to him . So I txt and the kids can over hear my frustration and hurt . However he ignores most of my txt.

Just this week he told Felicity on the phone two different days he would Skype with them. It's not like he is deployed he can go Skype. However he didn't and I had to listen to the younger ones cry about how daddy broke another promise . I do tell him do not tell them you are going to do something and not do it.

I keep reminding them daddy isn't well. He does have a brain injury and memory loss. But to a 5 years old they can't understand that. Even I'm struggling with understanding it. You don't see a physical injury or scar so it's hard especially when he has been gone for over 6 weeks to remember.
The few times I talk to him he is jut not very empathetic . They say it's apart of the PTSD an tbi. All I know is the children are broken hearted .

I took this picture of Ethan this morning while he kept trying to call his dad after he promised to Skype this morning....

Everyone need to see COURAGEOUS, the movie

Last night I took two of my teens to see Courageous http://www.courageousthemovie.com/ with the local homeschool youth group.
I have been reading about this movie all summer and couldnt wait to see it. I ONLY PRAY I can get my husband to see it. IT is a MUST see for a date night. I had thought it was only geared towards men but it is a must for the entire family. I plan on taking my nine year old son. The reviews on plugged in state it may not be ok for a kindergarten age...

I won't spoil the movie but it is the best movie I have seen since The Passion of Christ. Yes I cried thru the entire movie. IT is hitting so close to home since ryan took th ejob across the country and left us here.

Military families can relate to this movie also. It is an eye opener for some....GO SEE COURAGEOUS!!! Please and tell your friends!

Clarifying, and a book referal

I was rereading my past weeks blog posts thinking to some that do not know me well may think I hate my country or the military. I want to say that LOVE God, my husband, my country and his service to this country. It s just SO hard to see your husband change SO much and its been since the deployment. I know I am not alone on this. IT  is so disturbing to me the huge numbers of wounded  veterans we we have that are unseen. Having to fight the system to get him help has been an eye opener.

I was talking the other day to another Army wife. Her husband has been in for over 20 years and MANY tours. He is suffering also and so is their family. While we were talking she told me her sister is writing a book about this subject. i said something about why does'nt the army take care of our soldiers and get them help. Her response was ' because if they fix them they won't want to keep deploying etc" UGH! sadly I feel she is right! SO many soldiers like her husband keep redeploying because of the 'rush' the adrenaline. Some redeploy to escape home life because they can's handle it at home with children. OR they just can not reconnect with their spouse.

I started reading a book called Taming The Fire Within http://tamingthefirewithin.com/tamingthefirewithin.com/Welcome.html . A neighbor told me about the author a local floridian. I ordered the book months ago. I never read a lot of it it was too much for me , not that it was gruesome or anything. After I got my husband in the VA he learned the author was seeing patients at our local clinic. However he missed his appt with her because she had to cancel. He started seeing the social worker, I went once and he sucked. Ryan had finally got in to see Dr Freud recently. He really like her, however with him taking the job I have no idea how he will continue, time will tell. She gave him several of her signed books. I started reading the book again. I am learning a lot about how the soldiers return with 'emotional detachment'. Ill keep you posted on what I learn from the book.

I had also let my friend borrow a copy. She is getting much out of it she said and her husband has also read a few pages....I pray her husband can find peace and get help because he was failed by the army. When the war was at the peak over 8 years ago he had injuries and tried to get help in Germany, The help he recieved was being transfered to another unit! I really dont understand THAT. But he felt let down she said and never got proper help. I keep encouraging her to get him to get help thru the VA. I know he has severe PTSD. IT is so sad. HE has retired from Army but is still doing work for the army.....

A surprising blog post by another military momma

I have to share a very surprising thing that happened today. I have another military momma friend who parents as we do. I had not read her blog in a while. So after a post I saw on facebook today I went to read her blog.
Here is her latest blog http://www.itstwinsanity.com/2011/10/being-honest.html It is the exact same title as my post Being Honest.
I am in shock and so sad. Another large attachment parenting family is suffering.

Being honest

I have been thinking a lot lately about how to blog. I feel a blog is a place to be honest about life.
Feelings are one of those areas. I have kept a lot of my deep true feelings about how me and my children lived thru the deployment in 2010.
Since his return it has been even harder honestly than the actual deployment.
I have decided to start being honest about how I feel about it. And most of all how it has affected my children.
As my profile reads we are a very catholic attachment parenting family. I have been since I had Dehvin . It was Ryan who would say as I tried to lay her in a bassinet next to our bed ' hon why dont you just keep her on you' I never thought about before. See she would cry every time I nursed her and tried to lay her down.
So began our family bed. It was her daddy's idea.
We made all those parenting decisions together as a husband and wife.
We were such an attached close family for years. We went camping , hiking beach vacations etc. Always together as a family. When they were babies all they wanted was momma. Of course. When they got older and were ready they hung out with daddy more and more.
We decided to Homeschool together.

Fast forward to 2008 when Ryan at the age of 38 decided to join the national guard. I honestly was not happy. I didn't believe he would or could do it. He had lost his job that we moved from ga to Fl In construction. The market was a mess. He wanted out of construction.
He lost 50 pounds maybe more passes his pt test and scored very high on the asvab. Even though I hated the idea and didn't want him to join he did it anyway, which would be the sad beginning of his own decision making .
He went off to Basic training at fort benning. Which began the nightmare. He would begin missing birthdays and first communions. Things we as a family always celebrated together . Our
Family life would never be the same.
After he graduated from basic he would go on to AIT at fort Sam Houston near San Antonio tx.
That's when the change and distance started . At basic he went thru hell. He wrote me all the time . I felt so loved and close to him then and that was and to this day is the closest we were .
Something changed with him at AIT and I'm still not sure what it was. Single married life? I learned much later how he went out with the guys to bars like hooters (which we use to agree was inappropriate behavior for a married man).
When he returned from AIT as a army medic he was different , more easily annoyed etc.
I became pregnant with baby number 6 . That pregnancy was stressful , Ryan seemed unhappy etc an was working at a local dr office as a medical assistant . The people he worked with were not the best. But Ryan seemed to enjoy the attention but he said I was jealous and insecure.
Baby number six ended up being a preemie. His birth story is here Sebastian's birth story

Shortly after Sebastian was born Ryan volunteered to deploy. He said he would have been anyway.

He deployed on his 40 birthday January 6, 2010. The first few months I barely functioned and know now I was depressed . But I pulled myself thru it. We had to move right before he left and again right before he returned.
We skyped and he would rarely write even though I begged for letters something to hold on to and read.

I wouldn't learn until later I believe it was in April 2010 the truck he drove on missions was hit with an IED.

He came home just before Christmas 2010. Demobilized very quickly at ft Stewart.
I had read to expect changes in us all. I was ready so I thought. Little did I know how bad it would be.
Just as I read around that 4 month point back home things got much worse and continued to. Dehvin said early on daddy has PTSD because she was taking a psychology class.
I began to push him to go to the VA. He eventually went . He was 'officially' diagnosed with PTSD , TBI, memory loss and hearing loss.
It took several months to get appts . He missed lots of work.
His moods were erratic. He was easily annoyed by the children and too aggressive. I got into counciling so I could cope. But it's difficult to go with children.
He reached a point a few months ago that he lost it. He ended up leaving and was living at a local homeless shelter.
One day he was sick at work head pain , vomiting , dizziness .
I spoke with his TBI liason and she said to get him to the ER and explain the situation. Which I did . Spent 4 hours waiting . Once he was taken back I had to run home (1-2 miles) to nurse Sebastian . When I returned he was being released! They said he was dehydrated and had sinusitis ! I was shocked and could tell they didn't want to deal with a VA patient. He was given a dose of something for swelling . Over the next few days I noticed he seemed better , the prednisone I feel must have shrank some swelling in his brain.

We had finally set up several appts . One test for sleep apnea which was positive. We are still waiting for
The appt to get the cpap machine.
He has participated in a TBI study and had an MRI .
We are waiting for an appt followup .
Recently his father passed away. So this has been a devastating blow.
Shortly after his return from his fathers funeral he quit his job .
I begged him not to taken new job because it would take him across the country . Sadly he did.
So here I sit working on this very long blog entry. I'm writing all this now because I need to. I need to remember the details an also share parts if our story because over the past week I'm learning just how many soldiers families are suffering.
So between my precious family rantings I am going to be honest about our lives . A once very close attached family now being ripped apart by life after war and deployment.

"Thank you for your sacrifices"

Last year when Ryan was deployed i heard the words "thank you for your sacrifice" so many times we lost count. I never knew what exactly to say. I would just force a smile and not say anything. But deep down I was angry. I would think you have no idea how hard this is on my children.

I tried to prepare myself and the kids for his return. I read all the article I could on military one source. But nothing prepares you for life after deployments.
It's that life after they return that makes you not understand how or why.

It is a huge sacrifice. In more ways than you can imagine . But I sucked it up and offered it up. Boy did I offer it up!

Great Blog about the deployment

I thought while I was on the subject of deployments I would share a great blog with you all.
During ryan's deployment the only way I could understand what was going and and see some awesome photography was thru a blog
http://theexodusblog.blogspot.com/
If you want to see for yourself ....go read and enjoy some amazing photography.

My Silence

Well one of my girls told me one day that I need to update my blog...I was doing pretty good at posting then the past few months just became overwhelmed....I am working on my DONA Doula certification for one. I finally got a website! http://www.gracefulbeginningsdoula.com/
I had no idea how much work was involved in buying a domain and setting up a cheap little website! But I am proud to say I DID it myself. It is nothing fancy yet....someday I will. I served at a sweet birth last week, my first as a Doula! I have been to several births over the years for friends. I LOVE birth! Nothing like witnessing a new life enter this world. It was another catholic momma so it was even more precious. I am thinking I should post another time soon about her birth thru my eyes....In a respectful way not disclosing her name of course. :)

Dehvin decided she was ready to "graduate" in June even though she should go another year. We felt she was ready....The joys of homeschooling. Now we are working on more of her college prerequsites  for nursing school! I am also enrolling ansely into the local virtual school this coming year. Just to see how it goes. She is excited to learn chinese! Ill keep you posted no this decision....Since I have always either unschooled or used our Designing your own Catholic Classic Curriculum.

One of my reasons for switching gears is our lives having taken a turn. We survived a deployment last year....but sadly as with many of soldiers his return has come with MANY challenges. I have prayed and debated do I dare post anything then I decided yes I need to . I started seeing a coucilor when ryan returned because I knew reintegration woudl be difficult I was told.That therapist was not my cup of tea.Recently I found a Catholic Councilor and so far so good. Well with the councilor any way.

As we suspected ryan was recently officially diagnosed with PTSD, mTBI, memory loss and hearing loss. Before you say really ? He was in Iraq I didnt think it was dangerous there...Neither did I. I still have little knowledge of what all happend. Except my husband's truck (the one he was driving and he was a combat medic) was hit by an IED. That I was told destroyed the truck. This was not a little truck either.

We are in the midst of what I feel is a crisis in our family. Those that readmy little blog I beg your prayers. I need a miracle . I am told it may take years for him to recover....There is much going on. Much I can not post in a blog. Except right now I am alone again with my children. I do not watch the news , people have no real idea what life is like being a military wife. Nor how it feels to live thru a deployment and beyond until you  have lived thru one.

I read somewhere recently that the war comes home....the battle is still being fought...

Sebastian on a Big Potty

Some day Sebastian may see this but it was too cute not to post.. When he was about 3 months old I started doing Elimination Communication with him, Ingrid Bauer ahs a great book called Diaper Free, but it is WAY more than about diaper free. IT is about being so in tune with you baby you read his body language and cues and know when they need to pee or poop. I started when he was born but was not great with it because he was a preemie. But I did keep him wrapped in a diaper.All my other children did some form of "diaper free" at about 8 months old and YES it works!

Right after Ryan deployed last year Sebastian got very sick and was in the children's hospital. I was also sick and had mastitis along with being very very distraught that my husband just deployed. Long story short, they wanted to get a urine sample from him I said I would "pee" him in a sterile cup. They said NO it had to come from the bladder and they had to do a catheter because he was not circumcized! I said NO. But in the end I caved under pressure. IT was a HUGE mistake on my part for allowing it. I explained how him being intact not to retract him. They were awful! They applied iodine and forcefuly retracted him and roughly inserted the catheter while I screamed at them. They would not allow me to hold him either. After that dreadful day he was never the same and still wont allow me to hold him in his position to "pee" . IT broke my heart in many ways. He was peeing and pooping on cue evertime. And now he does not. He even has issue at night and early am when he wakes to pee. HE will SCREAM and climb up my body and I know it is because it hurts to pee at times....I pray he will eventually heal from the pain and trauma.

The other day as always I ask him if he has to pee or as I say psssss...He took my hand and ran to my bathroom! HE wanted on my potty! Because now that daddy is home he watches HIM pee....

I put him on the potty and he screeched, he wanted his new favorite book! SO here he is:

        

                                   Here is Sebastian going on the potty....Dehvin is holding him while I photograph him...

Moving fun or NOT

Well I have not had much time to blog the past few weeks because of our move. We were blessed that thanks to my friend Erika http://agapeacres.blogspot.com/ and her husband whom is in the Knights of Columbus had called them and 7 men showed up the morning I needed them and moved everything and even set up the shelves in the garage (usually my husband's job). Everything went great!

That was until At & T came to install UVerse. I had UVerse at my previous house and it was to be a transfer..The guy was here over 6 hours. And did a noty so great job installing the line outside for starts. I noticed the next day he did not even caulk/silicone the hole he drilled in the stucco. The internet was not working properly so they had to send another guy out. HE fixed the problem (long story) and came back Saturday AM to reinstall the line correctly in the attic...
LEt me back a up a bit, when the phone line came up my cell stopped working. I learned after a call to AT&T that the man that took my order applied my CELL number to my landline. Which shut down my Iphone! This left me with no cell and a number my husband could not reach from Iraq. Because he has to call a landline from a DSN..remember he has no idea what occurred .
IT took a week and a half for them to re port my cell phone number back to my cell and get my landline right! I was not happy. I spent HOURS on the phone trying to get this issue resolved.

BAck to the Saturday AM reinstall. I am standing in the kitchen and see water coming out from under my fridge and thought "great my fridge line is leaking" then a HUGE water gush comes from the ceiling and walls and out the front door area. The guy broke a water line in the attic. I started crying it was awful. My new house flooded. They are responsible for all damage and repairs. Serv Pro brought out 13 machine (fans and dehumidifers) and it sounded like a airport for DAYS. They had to pull baseboards, pad and sheetrock.

We are still waiting for the baseboards and sheetrock work. They "fixed" the carpet but as of today I called Serv PRo and no call back. The carpet is berber and  is already raveling. I left a message it needs to be replaced. My bread machine and computer stand were damaged.

We shall see what the week holds.....Here a just a few photos from the dry areas...

OH and did I mention the same weekend the AC went out. IT was 92 degrees in the house..

Thank God the home owners are wonderful. We are going to be buying this house we hope in the next year...

Kuwait/Iraq 2010

Today I got a big package from Ryan. He had to send home most of his "personal" items because they are going to move into tents and can not have "personal items" and anything they send to the big storage unit will be next spring before he gets it.
Anyway one of the things he sent back was the camera I sent back with him in July after he came home for R&R. THere were some photos it and the camera is broken. He told me it broke on one of his "missions" I was disapointed because I really wanted him to photograph more over there. Oh well...so here are some of the photos that were on the camera:

I am pretty sure this is one of the vehicles he use to drive....now he drives a Cayman which he said weighs over 38,000 pounds!

 


ON missions they sleep in tents like these, and they are having problems with BEDBUGS yuck!